Favorite Quotes

sechs

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Hawaii is a unique state. It is a small state. It is a state that is by
itself. It is a -- it is different than the other 49 states. Well, all
states are different, but it's got a particularly unique situation.
-- Vice President Dan Quayle when a woman at a hospital in Colorado
Springs asked Mr. Quayle whether Hawaii's universal health-care plan
might serve as a national model. (reported in the NY Times, 10/7/92)
 

sechs

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WASHINGTON, Dec. 10 (UPI) -- Though it has long been suspected,
seismologists have the first direct evidence that the center of the
Earth is solid.
That core is surrounded by a liquid, much like a candy with a nut in
the center floating in a liquor filling.
 

sechs

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR (The Times of London)

Dear Sir,

I am firmly opposed to the spread of microchips either to the home or
to the office. We have more than enough of them foisted upon us in
public places. They are a disgusting Americanism, and can only result
in the farmers being forced to grow smaller potatoes, which in turn
will cause massive unemployment in the already severely depressed
agricultural industry.

Yours faithfully,
Capt. Quinton D'Arcy, J. P.
Sevenoaks
 

sechs

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Making files is easy under the UNIX operating system. Therefore, users
tend to create numerous files using large amounts of file space. It
has been said that the only standard thing about all UNIX systems is
the message-of-the-day telling users to clean up their files.
-- System V.2 administrator's guide
 

sechs

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I think you can sum up Greek life this way: sororities are a bunch of
girls who hate each other, organized to travel in herds and fight over
frat boys. Fraternities are a bunch of guys who love each other,
organized to get wasted faster and cheaper and hook up with sorority
girls.
-- Dean Jackson
 

Clocker

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MARION BARRY

"The contagious people of Washington have stood firm against diversity during this long period of increment weather." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I promise you a police car on every sidewalk." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"If you take out the killings, Washington actually has a very very low crime rate." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"First, it was not a strip bar, it was an erotic club. And second, what can I say? I'm a night owl." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"Bitch set me up." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am clearly more popular than Reagan. I am in my third term. Where's Reagan? Gone after two! Defeated by George Bush and Michael Dukakis no less." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The laws in this city are clearly racist. All laws are racist. The law of gravity is racist." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am making this trip to Africa because Washington is an international city, just like Tokyo, Nigeria or Israel. As mayor, I am an international symbol. Can you deny that to Africa?" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People have criticized me because my security detail is larger than the president's. But you must ask yourself: are there more people who want to kill me than who want to kill the president? I can assure you there are." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"The brave men who died in Vietnam, more than 100% of which were black, were the ultimate sacrifice." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I read a funny story about how the Republicans freed the slaves. The Republicans are the ones who created slavery by law in the 1600's. Abraham Lincoln freed the slaves and he was not a Republican." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"What right does Congress have to go around making laws just because they deem it necessary?" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"People blame me because these water mains break, but I ask you, if the water mains didn't break, would it be my responsibility to fix them then? WOULD IT!?!" -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC

"I am a great mayor; I am an upstanding Christian man; I am an intelligent man; I am a deeply educated man; I am a humble man." -- M. Barry, Mayor of Washington, DC
 

sechs

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I regret to say that we of the F.B.I. are powerless to act in cases of
oral-genital intimacy, unless it has in some way obstructed interstate
commerce.
-- J. Edgar Hoover
 

sechs

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"A random variable is discrete if it doesn't tell other variables about
its sexual encounters...<pause>...okay, now that you're all awake..."
-- Joel Greenhouse in a very boring statistics course
 

sechs

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"It's nice to know why we're here, even within a factor of 10."
Prof. Arnold Engler, Physics 3
 

sechs

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"German is a great language, because no matter what word you say, it
always sounds like millions of people are going to die."
-- Vagel Keller, Natural Disasters in American History
 

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
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"Executables and Web Content are not two great tastes that taste great together."

-- Tackhead, on Slashdot

Some pie to the first person to guess what he's talking about.
 

sechs

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"I don't believe in conservation of mass because I violate it 90%
of the time I'm in lab."
- Rebecca Romoff
 

sechs

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Q: "So, do you have any skeletons in your closets?"
A: "No. Actually, I have DECstations in my closets..."
 

sechs

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Do I advocate censorship? When that censorship is in the form of a violent
act to silence someone a group doesn't agree with, then absolutely. And
it's not... NOT... even in the same ballpark as pointing at a 'Natural
Born Killers' and saying "That there movin' pitcher makes people kill!"
Holding up a work of fiction (like 'Catcher in the Rye') and insisting
that it incites violence is like holding up a copy of 'Playboy' and saying
it incites masturbation. 'Tis not the book, but the hand of the
book-looker that commits the act.
- Kevin Smith
 

sechs

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From Intel(R) Pentium(R) application note AP-580:
"The Peintum (R) processor may contain design defects or
errors known as errata which may cause the product to
deviate from published specifications."
 

sechs

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Debates as to whether or not Jar Jar is gay are immaterial, since
the two main characters of the movie are two grown men with ponytails
spending all their time together and who steal a little boy away from his
mother to live a fabulous and exciting life, lightyears from home.
-- The Daily Show
 

sechs

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From a discussion in the rec.birds, RE: how to kill
chiggers (and other insects) without harming birds:
"It's nearly the twenty-first century, people.
They're called 'chegroes'."
-- Winston Smythe
 

sechs

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The other day I flew from Sacramento to Portland on Horizon Airlines.
Shortly after takeoff, the flight attendant described the beverage service,
which consisted of certain "complimentary" beverages and snacks. At the
conclusion of her description, she proudly added the following information,
and I quote:
"Horizon proudly donates a portion of the proceeds from our complimentary
in-flight service to the preservation of Glacier National Park."
-- cellison@ix.netcom.com
 

sechs

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When was the last time you honestly heard a straight man suggest that
military uniforms be accessorized with scarves?
--Kevin Baird, arguing that Elim Garak (of Star Trek:
Deep Space Nine) is gay
 

sechs

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Heard as part of a news update on the radio:
"Studies for last year have shown an improvement in the number of
children killed by front seat airbags from the year before..."
 

sechs

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The only thing we saw in a half-hour's drive was a shitload
of forest and a pile of logs with a Canadian flag on top.
Maybe that was their capitol building or something.
-- Kevin Gaughen, on a trip to Canada
 

sechs

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All sexual expression, barring that which ends in death or
appearances on "Hard Copy," is a good thing.
--Helen Eisenbach, "Lesbianism Made Easy"
 

sechs

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Quebecan french is 40 percent decipherable language, 60 percent obscure
vulgarity.
--Sophie, a resident of Quebec
 

sechs

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"We are Borg. You will be -- TOKEN RING?!
You're still using TOKEN RING?!"
-Stephen C. Ulrich jr.
 

sechs

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Love it or fear it, Gates says, Microsoft's Windows is "the most important
tool that's ever been created."
Okay, leaving aside the question of the relative importance of the wheel
and the printing press and shipmaking vs. Windows, why would anyone *fear*
Windows? Oooh, blue title bars send chills down my spine. Is Gates one of
those stupid people who doesn't allow himself to say "hate"?
-- Marcin Jeske
 

sechs

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"The disgruntled Puritans left England for Holland (not because they
were persecuted for their religious beliefs but because they were
forbidden to persecute others for *their* beliefs). Holland took them
in, and promptly turned them out. Only North America was left. Here,
as lords of the wilderness, they were free to create the sort of
quasi-theocratic society they had dreamed of. Rigorously persecuting
one another for religious heresies, witchcraft, sexual misbehavior, they
formed that ugly polity whose descendants we are. As religious
fundamentalists, they were irresistibly drawn to the Old Testament God
as his most forbidding, while the sternness of St. Paul seemed to them
far more agreeable than the occasional charity of Jesus."
-- Gore Vidal, "Sex abd the Law"
 

sechs

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From the Actual Calls to Internet Technical Support home page, a real
call as told by the tech who took it...
The Netscape History List Strikes Again!
Tech: Internet Technical Support this is so-and-so speaking. May I have
your username please?
Female Customer: Yes I want to speak to the person in charge immediately!
Tech: Speaking. What can I do for you?
Female Customer: I want to complain about the pornographic bookmarks your
company put in my web browser!
Tech: We didn't put any pornographic bookmarks in your web browser.
Female Customer: Oh yes you did! I'm looking at them right now!
<Tech remembers the Netscape history list and grins to himself>
Tech: Where exactly are these "bookmarks" located?
Female Customer: In Netscape!
Tech: And where exactly in Netscape would that be?
Female: In that little list that comes down when you click the little down
arrow!
Tech: The one right above the Net Search button?
Female Customer: Yes that one!
Tech: Miss, that's the Netscape history list. Netscape keeps the past ten
links you typed in that box. The only way to put an address in that box is
for someone to physically sit at your computer and type in a web address.
Female Customer: Well I certainly didn't type in those X rated web
addresses!
Tech: Well somebody did. Who else has access to your computer, and uses
the Internet?
Female Customer: Just me and my husband!
<Several seconds of silence pass....Hey! I wasn't going to say it! >
Female Customer:..................oh................ OOOH! ......Thank
you.
<She quickly hung up>
 

Bartender

Storage is cool
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Wie Well' auf Welle zu dem Felsenstrand,
So eilen die Minuten nach dem Ziel;
Bald schwillt die eine, wo die andre schwand,
Und weiter rauscht's im ewig regen Spiel.
- Max Josef Wolff; William Shakespeare
 

Bartender

Storage is cool
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Behind the Bar
Website
www.mittelsmann.net
Like as the waves make towards the pibled shore,
So do our minutes hasten to their end,
Each changing place with that which goes before,
In sequent toile all forwards do contend.
- Shakespeare (Original)
 

Bartender

Storage is cool
Joined
Feb 22, 2002
Messages
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Location
Behind the Bar
Website
www.mittelsmann.net
Ich ging im Walde
So für mich hin,
Und nichts zu suchen,
Das war mein Sinn.

Im Schatten sah ich
Ein Blümchen stehn,
Wie Sterne leuchtend
Wie Äuglein schön.

Ich wollt es brechen,
Da sagt' es fein:
Soll ich zum Welken,
Gebrochen sein?

Ich grubs mit allen
Den Würzeln aus,
Zum Garten trug ichs
Am hübschen Haus.

Und pflanzt es wieder
Am stillen Ort;
Nun zweigt es immer
Und blüht so fort.

- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
 

Mercutio

Fatwah on Western Digital
Joined
Jan 17, 2002
Messages
21,632
Location
I am omnipresent
"We are the party of the open door."

-- Haley Barbor, Missouri Governor, member of the Social Issues plank commitee for the Republican National Convention, which mere hours later adopted a position on a constutional amendment to ban gay marriage.

Just, you know, not an open closet door.

How the fuck do republicans live with themselves?
 
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