Don't worry about your double post, Mark. Just ask one of the mods to cross your name out on the second one and write my name on it instead. That's almost exactly what I would say.
I believe that in a marriage, unconditional faithfulness is an essential. Not a desirable thing, not a good thing, an essential thing. With that, you have a relationship of worth. Without it, you don't. Period.
(Tea? Did you just say "period"?)
(Why yes, Tannin. I did say "period".)
(That's not English, Tea, it's American. Why on earth can't you say "full stop"; it's a much less unlovely term.)
(Because, Tannin, unlike you, I think communicating clearly with my friends is more important than linguistic purity. Most of the participants in this thread are Americans, ergo I should write in American. If I were writing to you, or James, or Prof. Wizard or anyone else that speaks in English, I would say "full stop" instead. And if I were writing to Coug, not knowing which of the two is correct, I would say either "période" or "point" as the mood took me.)
Hmm... I don't like it.)
(Fine. So bugger off and let me make my own post in my own way.)
Sorry about that, guys. Tannin is getting more and more human-minded every day. As I was saying ...
But to understand my point we must have a clear idea of exactly what I mean by "unconditional faithfulness". I do not mean "sleeping with no other". In many cases, physical fidelity is considered to be a part of what I mean, but in other cases it is not. It all depends.
By "unconditional fidelity", I mean that one hasat all times unquestioned respect for one's partner. Let's say that you and I got married, Tannin. Just imagining, I mean. I would expect you to always be considerate of me. I would expect that you would make your very best effort to see things from my point of view, to understand and respect my opinions and my feelings, to never, ever knowingly do anything to degrade me or devalue me.
I would not expect you to think about me all the time, or spend all your time with me, or never spend time with anyone else. In fact if you came to me and said that you were having a romantic relationship with someone else, I would trust that you had made damn sure in your own heart that this relationship was no threat to our relationship, merely an adjunct to it. On the other hand, if I thought that you, like so many husbands, thought that you can think anything you like about me when I'm not there just so long as you didn't engage in any horizontal gymnastics outside the marriage, I'd file for divorce that same day.
You see, the thing that matters is not who you sleep with. It is what you think of and feel about your partner. What you do with that pretty young chimp down the road is your business, not mine. And hers, of course. I'd far, far rather that you had a wild, romantic fling with her, meanwhile retaining your love and respect for me all the while, than that you said or thought bad things about me but kept your hands off her lush black fur.
Hey - she's intelligent, charming and rather pretty. Why not? (Well, pretty for a chimp, anyway. Not as pretty as me, of course.) If you want to stray in that direction, just so long as you still love me and respect me all the while, that's fine. Of course, I expect you to treat her with a similar respect. But you would, otherwise you'd not be the man I married. And she better be nice to you too, or I'll stroll down the way and rip her pretty little arms off.
Right. Now that you've mentally finished with the entree in this fantasy within a fantasy within the mind of a creature who is herself mere imagination ... let's get down to the real thing. Me!
