Getting In Shape

[SteveC]

Summer is approaching, and I'll probably be spending a good amount of time at the shore this year, and I'd like to at least have a chance at meeting women. But first, I need to get in shape, and for me, that means gaining weight (I'm the stereotypical skinny computer geek, as opposed to the stereotypical fat computer geek). I've been about the same weight since sophomore year in high school, and haven't been able to gain weight, no matter what I eat. Does anyone have any advice on how to gain weight (I'd rather not take any supplements)? I've been lifting weights for the past few months, hoping that would help, but it only added a whole 2 pounds to my weight, and I still want to gain 10-15 pounds.

 

[Mercutio]

Since Amy left my life, I've gained almost 100lbs, and I wasn't skinny to begin with. Since I don't leave my apartment except for work, it isn't like there's a compelling reason to develop better habits.

Eating more junk food and practicing assal horizontology are sure ways to gain weight.

The other thing is, if you're lifting weights, you won't get a dramatic weight change. Instead the weight you have will be redistributed as muscle. Hopefully.

 

[timwhit]

Summer is approaching, and I'll probably be spending a good amount of time at the shore this year, and I'd like to at least have a chance at meeting women. But first, I need to get in shape, and for me, that means gaining weight (I'm the stereotypical skinny computer geek, as opposed to the stereotypical fat computer geek). I've been about the same weight since sophomore year in high school, and haven't been able to gain weight, no matter what I eat. Does anyone have any advice on how to gain weight (I'd rather not take any supplements)? I've been lifting weights for the past few months, hoping that would help, but it only added a whole 2 pounds to my weight, and I still want to gain 10-15 pounds.

Keep lifting weights, but eat a lot more protein. Eggs are an excellent, natural way to get protein. Plus, animal protein have several amino acids that plant protein doesn't have. Which is why eggs are a much better source for protein than most protein shakes, which are usually made soy.

I'm pretty skinny myself, 165lbs and 6'2". I eat a quite a lot, but I haven't put on any weight in the last two years, even though I haven't been very active at all.

 

[LunarMist]

Steve:

Is there a real need to gain weight? Have you spoken with your doctor? I presume you are not suffering from "bigorexia". (Muscle dysmorphia is no joking matter.)

-------

Oh Merc., I am so sorry you are in such a state. Think of your long term health if nothing else.

P.S. I missed your post last June about the unfortunate events re your fiance. I probably should have kept more in touch with other SR oldtimers.

 

[CougTek]

Since Amy left my life, I've gained almost 100lbs, and I wasn't skinny to begin with.

So you're at what, 350lbs now? Merc, this makes no sense. You're usually a fairly reasonnable guy, but letting you go like this is anything but rational. DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT! And stop mourning about the loss of your girlfriend, I'm beginning to wonder if you are Jewish.


SteveC,

I know, humm... a thing or two about getting in shape. If you want to have a chance to gain some muscular mass, there are things you must do/change in your life style :

• Sleep your 8 hours per night : Your body produces most of its testosterone during the deep sleep phase of your resting period. People not sleeping much have shorter deep sleep phases and tend to be either skinny or fat, but not muscular. Testosterone is an hormone that serves many purposes, one being stimulating muscle development. Men generally have 10 to 12 times the amount of testosterone that women have, hence our significant strenght advantage on them. Men that don't sleep enough often end up with women-like fat/muscle ratio.
  
  Eat red meat : And I mean red, not carbonized brown. Our digestive system absorbs around 25% of the iron contained in the meat we eat, against only 4% for the iron from vegetables (usually, green vegetables contain more iron than others). Beef, horse, moose, buffalo, ostrich and particularly emus meat are rich in iron. Fish and white meat like chicken tend to have less. Iron is one of the most important component our body uses to build muscles. However, only eat red meat when you are training. Otherwise, you'll end up with iron deposits which can have negative impacts on your health on the long term.
  
  Avoid coffee and tea : Both block iron absorbtion by your digestive system. Tea is five times worse than coffee on this regard. If you're like me and cannot live without coffee, at least don't drink any within 4 hours of your training session or after 18h00 since we eliminate coffee anti-iron agents slower after that hour and it might affect the efficiency at which our body will rebuild muscles during our sleeping period.
  
  Drink water frequently : Without water, you cannot eliminate body toxins produced during training sessions as efficiently and the end result is that you cannot train nearly as long. Gatorade and beverages with less than 6g of sugar per 100mL are those that our body abords the fastest (even more than water). Beware though, that beverages with more than 6g of sugar per 100mL will have the opposite effect and slow you down since your digestive system will be quite busy to digest them and will take both time and energy to do so. That's bad, since you need your energy to be directed to your muscles during training, not your stomach/intestine. Powerade, Allsport and fruit juice all contain too much sugar to be effective thirst-quenching beverages. Do not believe what's on the sticker of the two first, read the ingredient list instead.
  
  Eat peanuts : And other foods rich in E vitamin. It will help you to eliminate body toxins faster and therefore, train more often.
  
  Don't train the same area more than once per 48 hours : Even if you'd be an athlete, your body needs at least 48 hours to regenerate muscles after training. Train a selected muscle group one day, then another group the next day. Training everything everyday will only bring you down. That is, unless you are training for endurance, but that's not your goal. If you want to gain mass, you need to train in resistance (between 8 and 12 repetitions per serie). Anyway, the first times you'll train seriously, you'll probably need up to four days rest between training sessions for a given muscular area. 48 hours rest is for when you'll be in shape.
  
  Don't start too hard : I suggest your first three weeks or even first month be entirely dedicated at endurance training (more than 15 repetitions per serie) rather than anything else. Let your body get used to the new work you'll impose it. Starting hard from day one will increase your chances to have an injury and since you won't be able to maintain the effort for very long, the results will be disapointing at best. Training in endurance when your target is gaining mass required a lot of discipline. You'll be tempted to increase your charges too quickly. It's normal, but resist the temptation and finish your three weeks before going to the next step. At the end, you'll be rewarded.
  
  Avoid food excess when you're not training : Eat when you work, but not when you don't. This will make your metabolism more efficient with the food you ingest and ultimately, you'll absorb more and leave less in the white bowl a few hours later. You'll have a hard time to gain weight if you eat a lot all the time because your digestive system will be very inefficient and waste most of the stuff you'll eat, since your body won't need it for its average everyday energy requirements. Much like a rabbit, except that I don't expect you to re-eat your droppings to diggest them a second time like they do.

Also, don't focus on any muscle more than others. That will de-balance your body. For instance, if you train your pertorals more than your back, your shoulders will tend to drop closer to your chest and your back to curve. It's all about balance. Abs and deltoids (shoulders) are probably the most neglected parts most people forget to train, yet they are also those that cause the most injuries too. A weak stomach will put more stress on the back and therefore increase the chances to be hurt there. Weak shoulders will limit you on the benchpress and all arms-related movements.

Good luck.

 

[mubs]

SteveC: Keep lifting those weights. Muscle is heavier than fat, and is more attractive too.

Merc: Sorry to hear that. I missed the June stuff as well; wasn't even in the country for a year, with miserable dial-up for a few minutes once a fortnight. In the past 12 years, I've gained 50 lbs (was skinny then). I really need to lose ~ 35 lbs. Hard to do when using the mouse is the most exercise one gets. I keep saying, one of these days, but it never seems to come. Doesn't help that I have "massive allergic rhinitis" which means my huge nose is pretty useless - I breathe through narrow slits and so breathing becomes a drag when I work out (one of the reasons I don't). Someday I'll have to stick an apple corer up my nostrils (that's what the doctors do, but under anesthesia; that way, they don't feel anything when they're hurting me).

 

[CougTek]

One more thing Steve.

No matter how serious you are in your training efforts, you won't look anywhere near a professional wrestler by the end of summer...or even by this time next year. Building enough muscles to look significantly above average takes years. So while it's good that you start training now, don't believe for a second that the little bumps you'll develop this summer will be an attraction by themselves for members of the opposite sex.

While I'm far (VERY far) from being an expert on relationships, I would advise you to count a lot more on your smile and personality to improve your hunting results.

 

[Jan Kivar]

While I'm far (VERY far) from being an expert on relationships, I would advise you to count a lot more on your smile and personality to improve your hunting results.

True. And I'm even less expert than Coug...

Jan

 

[SteveC]

s there a real need to gain weight? Have you spoken with your doctor? I presume you are not suffering from "bigorexia". (Muscle dysmorphia is no joking matter.)

I'm skinny by anyone's definition, and according to here, I'm at least 10 pounds underweight for my height.

Sleep your 8 hours per night : Your body produces most of its testosterone during the deep sleep phase of your resting period. People not sleeping much have shorter deep sleep phases and tend to be either skinny or fat, but not muscular. Testosterone is an hormone that serves many purposes, one being stimulating muscle development. Men generally have 10 to 12 times the amount of testosterone that women have, hence our significant strenght advantage on them. Men that don't sleep enough often end up with women-like fat/muscle ratio.

That's a problem. The last time I regularly got 8 hours of sleep a night was probably in elementary school. And between stress/anxiety/depression, I don't sleep very well. I spend most nights just trying to fall asleep, and I've tried just about everything to no avail.

Avoid coffee and tea : Both block iron absorbtion by your digestive system. Tea is five times worse than coffee on this regard. If you're like me and cannot live without coffee, at least don't drink any within 4 hours of your training session or after 18h00 since we eliminate coffee anti-iron agents slower after that hour and it might affect the efficiency at which our body will rebuild muscles during our sleeping period.

I don't drink coffee or tea, but I drink way too much soda, which is probably just as bad. I've been trying to cut back on it.

Drink water frequently : Without water, you cannot eliminate body toxins produced during training sessions as efficiently and the end result is that you cannot train nearly as long. Gatorade and beverages with less than 6g of sugar per 100mL are those that our body abords the fastest (even more than water). Beware though, that beverages with more than 6g of sugar per 100mL will have the opposite effect and slow you down since your digestive system will be quite busy to digest them and will take both time and energy to do so. That's bad, since you need your energy to be directed to your muscles during training, not your stomach/intestine. Powerade, Allsport and fruit juice all contain too much sugar to be effective thirst-quenching beverages. Do not believe what's on the sticker of the two first, read the ingredient list instead.

I know I still don't drink enough water, but I've been replacing some of the soda I drink with water.

No matter how serious you are in your training efforts, you won't look anywhere near a professional wrestler by the end of summer...or even by this time next year. Building enough muscles to look significantly above average takes years.

I'm not expecting, or even want, to look like a wrestler, or even above average, I just want to get closer to average.

While I'm far (VERY far) from being an expert on relationships, I would advise you to count a lot more on your smile and personality to improve your hunting results.

I know, which unfortunately still leaves me with very little chance.

Good luck.

Thanks.

 

[NRG = mc²]

Apparently I need to put on 20lbs. Yes I'm skinny... I eat like a pig and don't get that much excersize... might just put on 100lbs 10 years down the line all of a sudden :-?

 

[Buck]

If anyone needs extra weight, I'd be happy to give you some of mine.

 

[blakerwry]

I feel really out of shape from what I used to be. I used to have a 42" chest and 28" waist.. could run for hours without getting winded... could bench and leg press twice my weight on a machine... And I was endurance trained and not strength trained...


So much for that... 3 years of sitting on my butt and I haven't lost or gained any significant amount of weight, but I sure have lost a lot of strength and stamina. I recently rented a tux and my chest was 36"... my waist is probably ~30"

I weight about 145lbs and am approaching 5'8"

 

[Howell]

Apparently I need to put on 20lbs. Yes I'm skinny... I eat like a pig and don't get that much excersize... might just put on 100lbs 10 years down the line all of a sudden :-?

I gained about 30 lbs on my special diet of one box of Little Debbie Cinnamon Rolls a day for three years. I tried to have it accredited but no one would go for it. The food establishment is a close knit bunch.

Coug, do you have expertise appropriate for endurance athletes?

 

[Mercutio]

330, actually. Or thereabouts. Normal bathroom scales don't weigh things so heavy. I used the scale on the loading dock at the building where I work.

LunarMist, mubs, the short version of the last year of my life is that my long-time best friend and fiance woke up one morning and realized she's gay. I fought everything I felt inside to help her get to the place where she was OK with herself, hoping that she'd still see me as someone... worthwhile when everything was done. She was and still is the most important thing in my life. I know in my heart that I did all the right things for her - left her a car, a furnished apartment, stood by her when she finally told her parents, gave her the space she needed and tried damnably hard not to judge. We saw each other every day for years - through blizzards and hail, we always found a way to be together.
She lives 300 feet away, and she's been to my apartment once since I left the apartment we shared. She's called a few times, because she wants something, but she's too busy to talk to me. Last time I saw her she'd changed so much I couldn't even recognize her... she dropped out of medical school... and her girlfriend looks just like me (present weight and everything), only with less facial hair. So that's it. I'm not worthwhile.

That's the short version. I have to take a bunch of pills every day to get up and go to work every day. I did not find therapy helpful in the slightest, but I spent many thousands of dollars on it.

So anyway, on top of being a couple steps from suicidal, I'm also morbidly obese. A real winner. I'd really like to just let go, but I can't, both because of the hope I have that she'll remember me, and because I've never broken a promise I made to her.
Frankly, the alternative isn't any better: I'm constitutionally incapable of having a good time, anywhere, doing anything. I can go days without speaking - even while working. So, my life tends to blur together. Get up, go to work, come home, play with computers, go to bed. I don't take time off, I don't sleep (much), and when I wake up, after cursing the new day (this is the polar opposite of how I was when she was with me) , I can rest perfectly assured that the new day will be just like all the others I've had. So I figure I'm basically just killing time until something kills me.

I'm don't tell people this to make them feel sorry. It's a matter of fact for me.

 

[Howell]

Lunar, Do you mind if I ask what moniker you went under before the crash at SR?

 

[LunarMist]

No, it is of little importance. Do you notice anything unusual about the moon?

(Sorry for digressing from the topic of weight gain.)

 

[jtr1962]

I think you just want to look more muscular rather than gain weight(there is a difference), although in the process of adding muscle mass you may end up gaining weight without looking any different. Case in point is myself. In early high school I was about 160 pounds and 5'9". Not skinny, but not muscular either. I began cycling quite a bit starting around 11th grade and continuing until the present day mainly because I enjoy it rather than to "look muscular". At 175 to 180 I look pretty much the same as I did in high school(in fact I can even get into clothes that fit me then). Right now I'm a bit more(~185 to 190) but I don't look grossly fat like a lot of people my height would look at that weight. I attribute that to the large amount of muscle mass in my legs, although I'd still like to get back down to around 160 or so which seems to be my best riding weight. As far as my arms go I never did anything to build them up intentionally but thanks to lots of digging and concrete work around my house they're pretty muscular also but still skinny looking. The bulging muscles that you see on many athletes are simply scar tissue caused by pushing too much weight and breaking muscle. Flat muscle is just as strong(trust me on this )

If your only goal for looking more muscular is to meet woman then perhaps you're selling yourself short. Not all women go for muscular types just as not all men go for women with large breasts(I prefer females who are flat chested myself). I'm sure you'll bump into somebody who'll like you for who you are which is the best way. BTW, still nothing wrong with exercising and building yourself up but do it for your health and because you enjoy it, as I do, rather than to meet women. You're far from being anorexically skinny. I knew a guy in high school who was 5'1" and 90 pounds. My last girl friend was only around 80 pounds although since she was only 4'9" this meant she was only slightly underweight. Better to be a little underweight as you are since most people tend to get heavier as they get older. Right now I'm fighting to get 20 or 30 pounds off so I wish I had your problem. Incidentally, my brother has the same problem as you. Right now he's about 138 and maybe half an inch shorter than me.

 

[P5-133XL]

I don't need to get in shape: I already have a perfectly natural shape -- Round

 

[Mercutio]

I prefer "circumfrentially challenged".

 

[Howell]

I prefer "circumfrentially challenged".

Just so long as it doesn't turn into gravitationally challanged. Don't let your mobility become impaired.

 

[jtr1962]

Merc,

Regardless of how you currently feel, you should think about your health. You may be borderline suicidal now(and I've been there myself) but should things turn around in your life later on you will ending up suffering all kinds of obesity related illnesses, especially as you get older. You may not be noticing too many health problems now from your increased girth because you're still fairly young, but sooner or later you will. My father is about 300 pounds now and can't walk more than a few blocks. He also needs to take about 5 different pills just to stay alive, if you call sitting, eating, and watching TV most of the day living. His mother was even heavier, and ended up spending the last years of her life in a nursing home. I also have a cousin who is only in his 50s who will likely be in a nursing home for life thanks to being over 600 pounds. Trust me, you never want to end up in a nursing home. My mom was in one for rehab recently after a hip replacement for about 5 weeks. She said it was the most depressing atmosphere she could think of. I hated just going there to visit. I think I would throw myself out the nearest window if I had to live there.

So anyway my advice, take it or leave it, is to try to lose some weight, and especially get off those damned pills somehow. It can't be good for your body, especially your kidneys, to put all those chemicals into it on a daily basis. At this point you need to claw your way out of the depression you're in and get back to some semblance of a normal life. I agree that therapy is useless and the pills just numb you to everything and aren't a long-term solution either. It took me years to get back to normal from a depression I was in during college but I did it without drugs, therapy, or finding another significant other. I've reached the point where it takes a national tragedy like 9/11 to get me really depressed. Nothing in my personal life can do that any more. I'm quite sure you're just as capable of getting yourself out of your rut as I was. The only thing is you don't need health problems to set you back, and obesity is the number one killer in this country.

P.S. I really hope I didn't come off sounding like one of your parents here.

 

[fool]

I promised myself I’d stop giving advice. Oh well,

As far as getting in shape goes, find a sport you like. If you don’t enjoy the exercise, you won’t stick at it, in which case not even with cougs advice will you get fit.

With regard to the finding of female company, confidence is damn near everything.

While I'm far (VERY far) from being an expert on relationships, I would advise you to count a lot more on your smile and personality to improve your hunting results.

I know, which unfortunately still leaves me with very little chance

who are talking about? It can’t possibly be yourself. For, while I can’t vouch for your smile, your post’s give the lie to your dismissal of your personality. Intelligent, helpful, charming, funny, what’s not to like?
What I would say is play to your strengths. Me, I’m built like a straw pisspot,(that is the opposite of a brick shit house, right?) in addition to which my skin doesn’t tan, (pink then red then redder still, apart from my legs which remain white, and I mean functionally albino). So if I go to the beach its to go swimming, If I’m on the pull, I’ll be in an art gallery or museum.
No seriously.
First of all you not only can you hear each other talk, the library like ambience makes it entirely appropriate to speak softly.
Secondly, and importantly for one a shallow as I, you can actually see what your intended looks like.
Third, the fact that no one ever expects to be approached in one of these places
lends a little spontaneity, a little adventure, to your endeavour, which always helps.

 

[mubs]

I'm quite sure you're just as capable of getting yourself out of your rut as I was.

[sermon]

We all are. If we'll only try. We humans are unique creatures. For thousands of years, we've had the same exact set of problems. Yet each one us thinks our problems are unique in the world, and are insurmountable. Show me one human being who doesn't feel they're deprived in some way. Those that have money have no time. Those that have time have no money. Those that have love may have no money. Those that have time and money may be physically "ugly". The only ones who feel fulfilled / at peace all the time are those that have elevated themselves to a higher plane.

One thing is an absolute certainty: when we die, we leave everything behind. Our loved ones. Our name & fame. Our wealth. Our knowledge. We come into this world with a body, but when we leave, we have to leave even that behind. So why this excessive attachment to the ephemeral?

While loved ones and friends make our journey happier, essentially we are all on our own. No matter how much you love me, jtr1962, if I were to get cancer and be in terrible pain, you would never be able to take some of it away from me and suffer the pain on my behalf. Similarly when I experience a moment of personal epiphany, I could tell you about it, but that experience would be mine and mine alone. We can empathize and share, but ultimately we are individuals on a journey together, and we must not lose sight of this fundamental truth.

What is say here has nothing to do with religion or spirituality; deep observation and analysis of life will yield the same conclusions. Nor is it new or unique; it has been said countless times before. And yes, it is difficult to practice and easy to preach. But the level of difficlty of a task does not make it any the less noble or worthwhile.

We all have a purpose in life. A lucky few know what it is and pursue it vigorously. Many, like me, are bumbling along, hoping to find out when we "grow up" (I'm old enough to be Merc's dad--can't you tell?). There is not one single, solitary person who is useless in this world. And if you don't know why you're here, find out. Make the effort. And for that, you'll need this little nugget a teacher wrote in my autograph book in school:

When wealth is lost, nothing is lost
When health is lost, something is lost
When character is lost, everything is lost

[/sermon]

Love and best wishes.

mubs

 

[honold]

i've been in a similar situation once where i was generally unhappy about my life and misdirected all my depression into this specific girl i had been with for a year and a half and broke up with. this one wasn't worth sweating, and yours may very well be, but do give consideration to the fact that you may be morphing all your life's problems into this one convenient package - one that you're reasonably helpless at correcting. that makes it a lot easier to remain depressed.

my sister has anxiety issues, and i think it (like depression) is the smartest and self-sustaining emotion there is.

i think one should give consideration to the fact that there's a pool of resources you have for yourself and a pool of resources you have from others. as soon as you pull out of your own pool to overflow the one your signifigant other is in, you're creating a liability. sure it is so tangibly painful that it must be real, and must be worth it, etc. it definitely seems that way.

it's what all the songs and poems sound like, but what's probably transpired in that situation is that the person took their self-worth (and all their OWN responsibilities to it that they had), handed it to somebody else, and let them manage it. but they never do that right, and nobody should. it may be endearing for a brief period of time but after that you go looking elsewhere for someone or something that isn't a burden.

i think stuff like this makes it easy to maintain the state you're in because it seems to be out of your hands and it's in hers, but i doubt that's true.

i hope none of this seemed harsh because it's not supposed to be, and it's just one man's opinion.

 

[CougTek]

Coug, do you have expertise appropriate for endurance athletes?

Nope, not really. While I used to have almost olympian-like stamina for middle lenght competitions (think between 3000m and 10Km), but I never trained for it. I didn't have to, I just had it. I had to train to develop my strenght though...and still does.

My biggest achievement in endurance competitions was to finish second (and quite close to the first) in a duathlon contest. 1500m of rowing followed by 10Km of bike. I finished 7 seconds being the first guy (out of a total time of around 17 minutes). The winner was a regular participant in Ironman thriathlons, so I was quite proud. That was 6 years ago. Now, I wouldn't be able to repeat that performance, although I could easily break the guy in two at the start line before the contest ;-)


Why did you asked? You want to run the maraton?

 

[fool]

Mercutio
I shouldn’t say this because
A. Its really not my place.
B. There’s no reason for you to take the advice of someone you wouldn’t know from a can of paint.
C. Not having had to walk a mile in those moccasins, I can’t know what its like.
D. If our positions were reversed I’d absolutely hate what I’m about to say being said to me.

So ignore or flame this as you see fit, but

Its her loss.
It wont get any easier to deal with but you can get better at dealing with it.

Oh and no one whose streams of lyrical vitriol make me envious can even possibly be within five time zones of worthless.

 

[adriel]

Hey if you're skinny you're skinny. But that doesn't mean you have to look like a computer geek. I'm 135 pounds, but I certainly don't look like a geek. You can look fit and slim and healthily muscular, regardless of light weight.

All these guys lifting weights for sport and the look is just pathetic to me. What are they going to use that muscle for? Are they going to put it to good use, or do they just want a body builder look, and to use their power for nothing more than working dumb weights?

Right now I'll do 60 continuous right-angle elbow push-ups, and I'm working on getting my situps there. I can wear some heavy gear and run at a slow sustained pace for 3 mi and then swim and run back home, and I'm working at doing the fast run now for 1.5 mi. But none of this is for sport or a fit look, but to meet my job's requirement standards. I'll be putting my endurance to good use, actually doing physical things in the world that make a life/death difference to people. Not kicking around these stupid ass weights.

Think about it. You can be real, and you don't have to play these weak games. Meeting women is meeting women. What, you want to role-play a part in some beer commercial beach scenario you saw on tv?

 

[Howell]

With regard to the finding of female company, confidence is damn near everything.

Amen. Direct eye contact goes a long way. And a little mystery.

Coug, I would like to start running races again next summer. I ran a marathon in '95(?) but I've been on my my special diet since then.

 

[Mercutio]

Well, I had kind of hoped that posting my weight would help me somehow. I don't think it has. I'm the sort who terminally abhors physical activity of any kind (when I lived in the country, my father used to punish me by driving someplace and making me walk home). I used to lift weights. Haven't for years. Don't have the equipment, the room or the schedule to go somewhere to do it.
I guess I could just stop eating.
I happen to be blessed with a metabolism I gently refer to as "comatose". All of the above plus no reason to deny myself something I'd actually enjoy, have probably led me to my present state.

Any suggestion on how to proceed? My weight appears to be intractable to me.

 

[mubs]

My weight appears to be intractable to me.

Only because you believe it so be so.

Eating in moderation is a good beginning, but more important is some kind of regular physical activity. That will "wake up" your metabolism and get your internal gear running more efficiently. For a person that "abhors physical activity of any kind", the easiest physical activity will be walking. If your neighborhood isn't conducive to that, drive somewhere that is and walk there. Start easy and build up over time - maybe 10 mins to start for a few days to ease you in. Increase duration initially, and when you can do 20 mins, increase speed a little. 30 minutes at least 3 times a week of vigorous walking will do wonders not only for your body but for your state of mind as well! This is proven fact.

Your physical activity should elevate your heart rate and keep it at that level for some time. Short bursts of intense activity are also helpful. Start with the walking, then when you've established your rythm and "settled-in", maybe you can do a programmable treadmill a couple of times a week.

Walking outdoors has another benefit (stay away from traffic and smog!) - you get to commune with nature. This has immense benefits at a subtle level that most people don't understand/realize.

Go, go, go!

 

[Mercutio]

Its her loss.
It wont get any easier to deal with but you can get better at dealing with it.

Oh and no one whose streams of lyrical vitriol make me envious can even possibly be within five time zones of worthless.

1. I can't imagine being envious of vitriol, but thanks, I think.
2. For the other part, I only wish I could see things that way.

honold, I don't know if there's any truth to what you say. I am depressed in a way that requires very very careful choice of words when I talk about my feelings at all, since almost anyone who could theoretically "help" me would be more than likely to commit me (in Indiana, the power of involuntary commission is granted broadly), something that I do not want. But I do not know how to get "better" or what "better" is at this point. People tell me I need to get out or do... something, but going out and doing things are not representative of the person I am. My demeanor at a social gathering is the same, whether it's a wedding or a funeral. I guess it's hard to explain, but after talking to several therapists and a lot of introspection I haven't found any solution for my ongoing mental state.

 

[The JoJo]

Merc, go take a walk every day for a week! As mubs said, that'll kick your metabolism into high gear.

I just read about some study showing that half an hour of jogging resulted in the same level of...how should I put it...positive feeling/attitude as some anti-depressing pills. You'll deffinitely feel better after taking a walk. Trust me, when I get really depressed and down, there's nothing better than going out for a walk or a run. The hard part is deciding to go out.

We're capable as humans to do a lot of things, if we're committed. Some things may not be representative of the person you are, but that doesn't stop you from doing them.

I don't know how the above sounds, so please don't take offence of anything. SF need you merc!

 

[jtr1962]

I guess it's hard to explain, but after talking to several therapists and a lot of introspection I haven't found any solution for my ongoing mental state.

I have to agree with everyone here that some form of exercise will do wonders for your well-being. I attribute my recovery in large part to my avid cycling. When I was at the low point I somehow managed to ride 150 to 200 miles per week. This kept me from slipping deeper into a depression, and also just the fact that I saw people and things outside of my small world was a big help. I'm guessing you can't start off with anything like that so perhaps walking will help. Try walking in Chicago since it's the nearest large city to you. I've always found walking in Manhattan very uplifting. There's just an indescribable energy there, and I would imagine any large city is similar. The key to exercise is that it has to be interesting enough in and of itself or you won't keep it up. Cycling for me is 25% about exercise and 75% about seeing people. Sometimes I just go to downtown Flushing and cruise around fairly slowly to take in the sights(and girls). Other times I stay closer to home and go for pure speed. It just depends on my mood. You just need to find what works for you. It'll help your mood, and after that you'll shed pounds normally without obsessing about it. No need to lose 150 pounds immediately, but even 20 or 30 will make you feel better, and once you feel better the next 20 or 30 will be easier. I can imagine that the weight makes you feel extra lethargic since I greatly notice the 20 to 25 extra pounds I'm carrying around and hope to lose by the end of the year. Unfortunately, despite my exercise I love food too much so it's a struggle, but my sister successfully fought a worse weight problem(she lost about 50 pounds and kept it off), so I'm sure I can too. Anyway, I guess the key is just getting more active somehow. Don't obsess about losing the weight in the beginning but rather getting your emotional state better so that you don't want to eat as much. I hope all this doesn't sound too corny.

 

[Dozer]

Walking outdoors has another benefit (stay away from traffic and smog!) - you get to commune with nature. This has immense benefits at a subtle level that most people don't understand/realize.

Absolutely! During a difficult divorce several years ago, I would regularly mountain bike/road bike/backpack. During my marriage, I had gained some weight and lost some of the fitness that I once had. The time outdoors (and away from other people) allowed me to clear my head, gain some fitness back, and the physical exercise was like mental medicine for me. I have always loved to be outdoors, but this experience gave me a new appreciation for the healing powers of nature. Running, cycling, and whitewater paddling are all part of my normal routine, and these balanced with my other activities make for a happy, healthy Dozer!

Hang in there, Merc. I thought my world had come to a screeching end. What I discovered was that it was just one dark chapter in the novel of my life. The subsequent chapters find our hero winning the battle!

 

[honold]

...after talking to several therapists and a lot of introspection I haven't found any solution for my ongoing mental state.

i i think you hit the nail on the head their with the word 'my'. you're not in the process of breaking up - you're broken up. just like people aren't in the process of getting cut off in traffic when they come home in a terrible mood about being cut off in traffic. the event is short but the effects are lingering, but i think you can be assured that there's nothing external going on. nobody's breaking up with you, and nobody's cutting you off - you're just doing damage to yourself with your own thoughts.

as far as what personally makes you happy, i wouldn't venture a guess. i wouldn't blankly recommend you go to a bar or a walk in the park or whatever because that's not everybody's thing.

for what makes a person generally happy, i can say from personal experience (although only by a factor of 30lbs) and plenty of observation that losing weight will make you feel better about your life. it's really not hard to do at all, and since you're actually in the usa i can recommend all sorts of decent food if you want. i think this would be a great way to kickstart everything else. maybe you'll end up doing the same old things like sitting around with pcs, but you'll probably have a lot more fun doing it.

 

[honold]

another short blurb: not to rain on anybody's walking/exercising parade, but it's quite possible to lose weight without an ounce of exercise. i did it

 

[mubs]

Honold, congrats, you're that 1 in 10 million that can lose weight without exercise! I could do it at will when I was younger; but you'll find that as you grow older and the blubber settles in it's not that easy any more. Besides mild exercise is beneficial in other ways like keeping your heart and body in tone. 'nuff said.

Merc, fella, can't you see how many people care about you? They stick their necks out gingerly, wanting to help but not offend. Many that have not spoken here have talked in private with you, I'm sure. The magic of life is in the abundance and diversity of relationships. Enjoy it! You make progress only when you leave the place you're in. You'll never get to point B if you don't leave point A. :mrgrn:

 

[Fushigi]

I agree with honold's last 2 posts. The event, as hurtful as it was, is over and it is time to move on. When I got divorced, umm, 10 years ago today!, I didn't want to see any women for a while. I took a couple of years off with respect to dating, romance, doing anything more than the casual glance at a pretty lady. During that time I lost some weight, read, biked, indulged in other hobbies, changed jobs, etc. While I kept busy consciously, my subconscious managed the healing process.

After a while, a couple of years as I said above, I realized I was healed enough to move on with life. Not entirely 'over' the relationship -- you will never truly forget -- but the essence of the relationship and my feelings with regard to it and it's end were absorbed into my being. I grokked the experience, to use a Heinleinism. I learned more about myself having gone through a divorce than through any other life experience. I now know much more about what I'm willing and not willing to do in a relationship. What makes me feel good and what annoys me. What I want my future to look like. What I hope for, expect, tolerate, and can't stand in a partner.

And on the weight issue, what kinds of food do you enjoy? Dunkin Donuts, golden arches, filet mignon, fresh perch, salads, green veggies, non-green veggies, pizza, Mexican, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Italian? OK, so I'm writing this during my lunch hour. :beer: I happen to like all of the above except McDonalds.

If you want to lose 20-40 pounds in 2 months or so, go Atkins. High protien / very low carb / minimal caffeine. At a minimum I'd suggest reading his New Diet Revolution book for some insights on why we are, as a society, gaining so much weight. While I don't think his diet fits my desires in terms of a lifetime commitment, it is a relatively easy way to at least start losing some weight. Once you drop some, you'll have more energy that you can use to go start walking or doing some other exercise.

In the end, what will attract the right woman to you will be self confidence and maturity (while still knowing how to laugh). Looks are a factor, but not as much of one as many men think.

- Fushigi

 

[honold]

Honold, congrats, you're that 1 in 10 million that can lose weight without exercise! I could do it at will when I was younger; but you'll find that as you grow older and the blubber settles in it's not that easy any more. Besides mild exercise is beneficial in other ways like keeping your heart and body in tone. 'nuff said.

again, i'm not anti-exercise. i'm sure it's a very good thing, i just don't do it.

the 1 in 10 million line (while obviously an exaggeration) is way off though. it is basic math, and all diets are an attempt to get people to play by the rules.

you need xxx calories each day for your activity. this varies from person to person depending on gender, activity level, size, and metabolism. 3500 calories consumed in excess of what you need gives you 1 pound. 3500 calories missed below what you burn loses you 1 pound.

that is all there is to it.

as people get older, metabolism slows, and dieting becomes more difficult because of greater concerns about sodium, cholesterol, etc. it's still universal truth that if you eat less than you burn, you lose weight.

protein diets are a complex trick to get higher value per calorie consumed, but it's still a calorie-based diet. so is everything else. weight watchers organizes calories, factors in fiber, and calls them points. etc.

 

[fool]

Its her loss.
It wont get any easier to deal with but you can get better at dealing with it.

Oh and no one whose streams of lyrical vitriol make me envious can even possibly be within five time zones of worthless.

1. I can't imagine being envious of vitriol, but thanks, I think.
2. For the other part, I only wish I could see things that way.

Well, I'm not quite twisted enough to be jealous of your irritation, but the manner of said irritations expression?
I like to delude myself that I can write, and then I find someone who, seemingly without trying, produces eloquent, humorous, pointed and concise prose.
The polemic is an art form, at which your better than me, and that I envy.

As for the other, before I made that post I searched through yours. Very few people will work as hard as you did to do the right thing. Anytime anyone parts with someone who does they've lost.

another short blurb: not to rain on anybody's walking/exercising parade, but it's quite possible to lose weight without an ounce of exercise. i did it

During the most physically active part of my life (so far?) I weighed approximately 150 lb. Then I stopped climbing and skiing and cycling and playing badminton and football and rugby and volleyball, my weight dropped to around 130.
Don’t what I weigh now, I haven’t used a set of scales for anything other than cooking in about seven years.