Farewell (but perhaps not goodbye)

[i]

I've decided to call it quits here for a while.

Actually, it's not even that personal. I've decided to call it quits pretty much everywhere online for a while.

I've come to the conclusion that the Internet has been a complete crutch for me over the past 7 years or so. And I'm at the point where I'm finally tired of using it that way.

I booted the TV off the balcony (figuratively) exactly one year ago ... and now I've decided it's my dependency on computers and the Internet that's got to change. I've been using both to avoid dealing with my life - I just sit down in front of this monitor and I immediately forget about everything else. Aside from e-mail and online banking, etc., I'm done. I don't know how long for, but I'm aiming for at least 6 months. Hopefully by that point I'll have put my life back together well enough that I'll want to continue doing other things rather than just going back to this habit of slumping into a chair in front of my computer every evening ... and at every other moment of spare time. If I could see a physical representation of just how much time I've spent over the past 7 years staring a computer monitor just passing the time, I'm sure I'd be stunned.

Wasn't there some cheezy song with the lyric, "See you in September?"

Anyway, with this crutch out of my way, here are my goals in order of priority:

1) Give in and go see a doctor for the first time in about 10 years to find out why the hell I'm tired all the time. I can't remember the last time I dreamed about anything. I sleep 8 hours and I'm still tired. I've had dark circles under my eyes every day for years. According to my two most recent ex-girlfriends I'm alarmingly easy to wake up, which is not at all how I used to be. I used to be such a deep sleeper. I'm kind of concerned about sleep apnea ... hence an effort to find medical advice takes spot #1.

2) I took the chance I mentioned in another discussion: I dropped nearly $1900 on a Bowflex Ultimate. It arrives tomorrow. There are loads and loads of comments out there about how this particular choice can be a really poor decision, but they are all about personalities and situations that don't match any aspect of my particular life. The majority of the positive opinions on the other hand do match me quite well. I'll see if I'm too old at age 28 to make any difference or not - I will no longer just assume I am. I've taken a chance in an effort to provide myself with an opportunity, and I intend to take it.

3) No more cheap, lousy food. Short, to the point ... and it's going to be brutally difficult to pull off.

4) I'm going back to school. I don't know where yet, but I've at least narrowed down which fields I'm interested in. I have an undergrad in Geography with grades that could be described as embarrassing, but fuck it. I'm older and wiser now. And there's nothing like the feeling of time creeping by to get your ass in gear. I'll find a way somehow. I refuse to believe all schools will turn me down - especially when there's cash to be had. And once I'm in somewhere, if I can prove to everyone and myself that I'm capable, my opportunities will improve.

5) I'm going to volunteer somewhere. I hate the burnout my previous job left me, and I hate the fact that my current job isn't helping. I'm going to have to find a way outside of work to reduce the odds that this pessimistic, bitter side to my personality will rear its ugly head so often.

6) I'm going to fucking meet people. Hopefully by giving the Internet the boot, I'll be so damn bored moping around here in my apartment that I'll get out there and stop strangers in the street if I have to. Then again, if I do all of 1 through 5 right, I think #6 will happen on its own.

So yeah ... that's it. Just thought I'd take the opportunity to commit myself in some small way by posting this here. Take care everyone and have a good summer (or winter, for those of you south of the equator). I'll try and stop back in in September to tell you all how much better my life is.

 

[blakerwry]

good luck :bravo:

 

[ddrueding]

Best of luck, all the things you've mentioned (and your motivations) match me as well. But I'm not ready to kick it (yet). I hope you come back in 6 months to tell us how much better you are....I might be ready to do the same about then.

 

[Mercutio]

Well, it's good that at least one of SF's depressed members is moving forward. I - we - will miss your contributions, i.

If it makes you feel better, Bowflexes normally sell for more than their retail price on ebay.

 

[jtr1962]

1) Give in and go see a doctor for the first time in about 10 years to find out why the hell I'm tired all the time. I can't remember the last time I dreamed about anything. I sleep 8 hours and I'm still tired.

I think the being easily awakened part means you just never go into REM sleep, which is why you feel tired all the time and never remember dreaming. I've had nights where I was in bed 7 or 8 hours, but constantly awakened, and felt tired. I've also had times where I was dead tired, conked out right away, and felt fine after 4 hours sleep. You need to do whatever it takes to stop whatever distractions wake you. I'm also easily awakened. Sound-proofing will shut out most outside noises. You might want to try some sort of white-noise generator. The noise can be soothing, and it'll shut out everything else while you sleep. My PC basically provides this function. Also, once you are able to get good sleep, you need to find the optimum for you. Too little or surprisingly too much means you'll awake tired. For myself I find 6 to 7 hours is fine. Any more or less and I don't feel right. There is also an off chance if none of this works that you might have a rare malady called a brain cloud. I heard about it in a movie once but couldn't find any info on it online, and I suspected that might be my problem as well. I also often feel tired all the time, but I attribute that to the relative sameness of my life and my occasional bouts of depression.

Another thing I need to mention here is that your work hours could affect your well-being. I'm a night person, and all the jobs I ever had, as well as school, involved getting up early in the morning. This never agreed well with me, and I felt tired all the time regardless of how much sleep I had. Once I started working at home, and determining which hours I sleep, I found that I felt much better.

Finally, it is also possible that you may be suffering from SAD or other lighting related disorders. This may occur even in summer if you spend a lot of time indoors. My recommendation is to change the lighting in any rooms you're in to full-spectrum, and increase lighting levels substantially. One fixture with four 4-foot T-8 tubes is about right for a 100 square foot room. I have this in my bedroom. I sometimes find that sleeping with the lights on helps me to wake up feeling better. Even if you don't do that, you'll feel much better with the newer light once you get used to it (it will seem ridiculously bright at first). Living areas lit like caves with dim, yellow incandescents will make anyone feel tired. This may be related to your problem.

I'll see if I'm too old at age 28 to make any difference or not - I will no longer just assume I am. I've taken a chance in an effort to provide myself with an opportunity, and I intend to take it.

I still keep myself in decent shape at 41. CougTek is a little older and does the same. You're never too old to get in shape or stay in shape.

3) No more cheap, lousy food. Short, to the point ... and it's going to be brutally difficult to pull off.

Diet has a profound effect on well-being. Greasy, fatty foods tend to make you feel tired. I'm currently getting more and more tired of processed foods so I'm eating less and less of them. You might do well to avoid too much sugar-it gives you a temporary high and then you feel tired afterwards. Some people equate healthy eating with a vegetarian diet but I find if I cut all meat out of my diet I feel tired all the time. Meat once or twice a week is a good compromise for me. You'll need to find food that works for you and then stick with it. Taste is just as important as nutritive value-if you hate what you're eating you won't stick with it.

So yeah ... that's it. Just thought I'd take the opportunity to commit myself in some small way by posting this here. Take care everyone and have a good summer (or winter, for those of you south of the equator). I'll try and stop back in in September to tell you all how much better my life is.

I'm going to miss you but I realize that if the Internet has been a crutch for you then it is better to just avoid it. I really hope everything turns out well for you. I'm also personally making a few life changes, although I've just about given up on meeting people, especially potential significant others. There just isn't much out there. Past a point you just learn to be happy and entertain yourself as best you can. I do hope it's different for you, and that you find everything you're looking for.

 

[Howell]

Best of luck to you i. I hope you find what you are looking for.

FWIW, I can only remember dreaming two or three times in the last five years. I have a friend and she says she is the same way. Feeling tired after waking up is not good however.

 

[zx]

Best of luck to you i.

 

[Buck]

Happy trails me, myself and especially i. The exercise will certainly help your mental, physical, and emotional state.

 

[Buck]

There is also an off chance if none of this works that you might have a rare malady called a brain cloud. I heard about it in a movie once but couldn't find any info on it online, and I suspected that might be my problem as well.

JTR, wasn't this from the movie Joe Versus the Volcano?

 

[Howell]

Yes it was.

 

[CougTek]

Hey, April's fool is NEXT MONTH, not today!

Jokes apart, farewell and good luck on the new path you take. It's courageous from your part.

 

[Handruin]

Good luck with everything i. I hope you are able to pull through it and make your goals! If you decide to take a break from the sabbatical...stop in and give us an update on how you're doing.

 

[Pradeep]

Good luck i. We'll still be here as bad influences for when you return

 

[jtr1962]

There is also an off chance if none of this works that you might have a rare malady called a brain cloud. I heard about it in a movie once but couldn't find any info on it online, and I suspected that might be my problem as well.

JTR, wasn't this from the movie Joe Versus the Volcano?

Ah yes, that was the name of the movie. I couldn't remember it. I "watched" part of it while I was in the middle of designing a circuit so I may have misinterpreted some parts. You're saying there's no such malady as a brain cloud? It wasn't an early April fool's joke. I was 100% serious as Tom Hanks had many of the same symptoms I've had. In fact, if I ever saw a doctor I had intended to inquire about it, and had often thought it might be a reason for some of Mercutio's bouts of depression as well. Thanks for saving me some embarrassment.

 

[Howell]

Gone, Gone, Gone, Gone... But not forgotten....

You should see the entire movie Joe; Its fairly good.

 

[Fushigi]

You should see the entire movie Joe; Its fairly good.

Or at least buy the luggage.

 

[Howell]

In the movie, Joe is a bit of a hypochondriac. There is nothing really wrong with him except that he's really unhappy. I think his doctor makes up the "brain cloud" to give Joe something to focus on.

It is essentially a movie about finding ones purpose.

Yes, The luggage is fairly good too.

 

[e_dawg]

May the force be with you.