Getting a life

[Mercutio]

I dedicate this topic the "Bill 'I've been divorced twice' Green Memorial Topic".

Now that my ex is wearing rainbow shoelaces and looking at my back-issues of "Playboy" for the pictures, anyone have any advice on where grown-ups (especially socially maladjusted ones) are supposed to go to meet people and find something to do besides sit around the house?

[Prof.Wizard]

Why you wanna know?

[Mercutio]

So, um, I do something besides sit around the house? Sitting around the house when there's no one to wait up for just gets a little bit old.

That, and since I was with Amy for my whole adult life, I think I missed out on some socialization I was supposed to do. Or something.

[CougTek]

I can't help you much Merc. I'm a recluse mostly because (and despite the fact that I have tried many times) most of the people I (often force myself to) meet disapoints me/don't live up to my expectations. I only wish you to have a better luck than I did. Hopefully, you'll meet some people deserving more than just polite salutations every now and then.

As to the where? part of your question : if it's like anything else, you won't find interesting people until you stop looking for them. Just try not to have too high expectations from others. People generally have a lot of flaws. The trick is to be able to see their good parts and forget about their darker sides. I have learned with time that this is a very tough thing to master.

[flagreen]

Why not take a music appreciation course at the University?

[Koggit]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing.

[flagreen]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing. True enough, now go to your room! :lol:

[Cliptin]

think about who your asking here man, go clubbing and dancing. True enough, now go to your room! :lol:

It has been my experience that you will meet the kind of people you would find interesting while just doing the things you like to do.

For instance, it would be a bad idea for you to go out into the woods looking for someone with similar tastes. Not that you wouldn't/couldn't find someone out there who has a love for classical music (do you have other interests? :oops: ) just that it is either unlikely or that it would not be as high a priority. It is not important that you agree on every detail of life but the you agree on the top priorities.

In essence, get involved in things you like to do that naturally get you outside the house and don't look so hard. It's best when you're blindsided. :D

[Mercutio]

Let's just say my personal habits to date aren't exactly condusive to meeting people outside of a business setting. And a contractor in a business setting looking for a date... well, that just wouldn't go over very well in today's climate.

Anyway, classical music is what I like, but, uh, unless I'm wanting to meet people my grandmother's age, or motivated high-school kids, I'm pretty much out of luck on that front.

I like movies, but video stores and movie theaters aren't places to meet people. Kind of a solitary or date-type experience, there.

I read a lot, but I haven't seen anyone around my age at the library in months. Do people hit on each other at libraries?

... and I don't drink or tolerate cigarette smoke well, so I think bars would be out.

And hey, nice guy that I am (Amy says so, anyway), I look like Wayne Knight, if I ever got up the nerve to talk to someone. No points there, either. It gets even worse if I start thinking about actually having a serious relationship (Don't ask. Really. I mean it).

How do people do it?

[Cliptin]

Anyway, classical music is what I like, but, uh, unless I'm wanting to meet people my grandmother's age, or motivated high-school kids, I'm pretty much out of luck on that front.

I like movies, but video stores and movie theaters aren't places to meet people. Kind of a solitary or date-type experience, there.

I read a lot, but I haven't seen anyone around my age at the library in months. Do people hit on each other at libraries?
And hey, nice guy that I am (Amy says so, anyway), I look like Wayne Knight, if I ever got up the nerve to talk to someone. No points there, either. It gets even worse if I start thinking about actually having a serious relationship (Don't ask. Really. I mean it).

How do people do it?

Frankly,if you are not doing things you like, you will not be happy anyway. You really never know who would be interested in different stuff. You might even meet your long lost sugar-momma :P or her eligible relative.

You could get involved with groups that promote your interests. This would provide a venue conducive to relating but centered around your interest.

You could read at the park and you could leash the cats to the blankets. I hear girls love animals.

I guess it helps to have a seed group. Friends of friends and all...
Just be your self and get involved.

[Mercutio]

See, there's that problem. No seed group as such.

[Clocker]

Merc-

Shannon and I volunteer our time at a local food back once in a while sorting food etc. for those in need. We also occasionally volunteer at a place that does a similar service with clothing for new people entering the work force in need of a helping hand.

You might check around for a local charity/service in your area and volunteer your free time. You will probably meet some interesting people, have something different to do, and kill some time. Most of the people who volunteer their time for such things will probably be relatively outgoing and willing to meet others. I think it's a great way to do something useful and meet quality people (not club trash hoes).

C

[Clocker]

http://www.gleaners.org/

[flagreen]

My brother had good success by answering personal ads in the local version, where he lives, of the New Yorker magazine. Maybe there is a similar mag in your area.

[jtr1962]

It's a shame it isn't socially acceptable to do more than have a superficial conversation with people you might meet on the street. I've found people are willing enough to chat, but I don't think I could get up the nerve to actually ask a stranger for a phone number if I was interested in pursuing things further.

I'm in a similar bind to you, Mercutio. I do have a few friends, but I don't really meet anyone new through them. One guy owns a taxi shop and that's pretty much his life. Another one moved to NJ so I don't see him that much, and he was pretty introverted so he really wasn't a good prospect to meet people through. I've lost touch with all my friends from high school, although now I wish I would have made a greater effort to keep in touch. I think meeting people is easier if you have a core group of friends that can help you meet others.

As far as finding love interests, I'm probably the last person to be giving advice in that department since it's been nearly 20 years since I was seriously in love with anybody. I would even try to hit on people I see in the street at this point, but I'm so particular that I've seen maybe a dozen people that I would consider my type, and with my luck that usually happens when I have to be some place and don't have time to chat. As far as my previous love interest, the fact is we were both too young, inhibited, and inexperienced to pursue things further at the time, so it was kind of the classic Greek trajedy(athough I'm Italian and she was Chinese). I'm still trying to find her, if only to be friends. Given that more than half the people I went to high school with never married, I really don't consider this a pointless endeavor. Barring any luck finding her, I would say my best option is to just get up the nerve to start asking for people's numbers after chatting with them, or maybe trying online dating(I've looked on many sites, and haven't seen anything even remotely interesting). I would probably have to say your options are as limited at this point. As far as joining clubs or pursuing common interests, all of the things I'm interested in as hobbies have a nearly 100% male membership, so that's not a option for me as far as meeting a love interest directly. And to be perfectly honest, although I'm always open to the possibility, my life as it is now is just fine one way or the other. I've learned to like myself a long time ago, and hopefully that will come across should I ever meet someone.

As a last word of advice, don't settle for anything less than you want just because you're lonely. I'm sure I could have dated many people these last 20 years, but none of them would have meant to my what my last love did. When you meet the right one, you'll just know it the way you did with Amy and I did with Stephanie.

[Mercutio]

The northwest Indiana version of "the New Yorker"? Man, does that conjure up some disturbing images.

[Bartender]

Quite a drastic decision, but how about moving?

[Mercutio]

Moving? I'd want a job first. And that's not something that's gone well for me.
I am getting out of this particular apartment soon, if only to go to another one somewhere in the same complex...

[Bartender]

Yes, the work is important (most important when rent is due), but have you looked into the idea of moving to a location that is more to your liking (safe, more city like - less outdoorish)? Some locations that come to mind: Boston, Seattle, or New York. Do you mind cold weather?

[alpha754293]

bars, clubbing/dancing. P.S. Nothing wrong with classical music. Course, after 8 years of piano...it's like....a performers right to say that.

Those are the two biggest places to meet people, ESPECIALLY on a Friday night.

If you're for people who have a little more than JUST a head on top of their shoulders, universities are a possiblity. Then again, that all depends on your tastes. Perhaps taking a class or something (dancing, sewing???) I dunno.

Personally, I've never had much luck with it anyways, (well...actually..I've never actually TRIED come to think of it) but I figure that I'd probably find someone at the office or something. *shrugs* lol...I dunno....lots of places. Just...gotta....start talking to people...it'll help to ease the expectations. That plus realizing that you like a person for them as a whole, faults and all included as a packaged deal. Whether it's worth it in the long run, well..that's up to you to decide.

Cheers and good luck. Happy hunting. :)

[Vlad The Impaler]

Merc,

Get a job in a bar part time. It is the best place to work because it will force you to meet people. It really does work, and you get paid for doing it.

[Prof.Wizard]

Personally, I believe the first thing to do is de-dust the old phone catalog of pals. Especially (still) single ones... Two heads are better than one and two pals know more other-sex persons than one... :wink:

[Sol]

You could try taking a trip.
A week around Europe or somthing simmilar. If you take a package tour half the people you meet will be from home anyway.
You can avoid those uncomfortable unscripted situations because as a tourist you have some of the most well known social scripts ever concieved.
Of course the likleyhood of meeting somone with whome you wish to become romatically involved is slim. But that's probably true of most activities. But you still get to meet people and do things which might be fun.

[flagreen]

Oh and - where to get a life?

I just thought I'd add I got mine at Kmart.

[Prof.Wizard]

You could try taking a trip.
A week around Europe or somthing simmilar.
Taking only the necessary, right?!
No need to carry "scary bags" these troubled times of airport controls... :roll:

[jtr1962]

Merc,

Get a job in a bar part time. It is the best place to work because it will force you to meet people. It really does work, and you get paid for doing it.

Mercutio mentioned that he doesn't drink or tolerate cigarette smoke well, so bars are pretty much out for him(and for me for the same reasons). Also, although I can't speak for Mercutio, I don't tend to consider the types who would hang out at bars girlfriend material. For starters, I would guess a rather large percentage of them are either desperate, or have an alcohol addiction, or both. Hardly good candidates for a long term relationship in my book. Maybe a one-night stand, but I'm not personally into that sort of thing.

In all seriousness Mercutio, since you're planning to leave your apartment soon, why don't you consider moving closer to Chicago, or perhaps even in the city itself? Your likelihood of meeting people increases in direct proportion to the number of people around you, and you never know who you'll bump into going for a walk. If Chicago doesn't suit you, maybe give New York a try. ;)

[timwhit]

If you start smoking then the smoke won't bother you as much. Start drinking too this will give you more self confidence for those situations where you meet someone that you would normally not talk to.

[Will Rickards WT]

hmm ... No clue. starbucks?
There is a really good place to look... but you have to believe first... a church.

[flagreen]

hmm ... No clue. starbucks?
There is a really good place to look... but you have to believe first... a church.
Shhh!

[Handruin]

Get a dog, and then walk it in a park. Pets make for good conversation starters. Just make sure to get a cute puppy so it draws in the ladies. ;) I am a dog lover, and I believe in adopting them, not buying them. Our family dog was adopted, she's a mutt, but I love her to death. She's going on 15 years old now.

[Koggit]

you could always use some pick up lines like

"nice shoes, wanna f****?"

[flagreen]

you could always use some pick up lines like

"nice shoes, wanna f****?"
Way too crude Koggit, to the point of being offensive. No more posts like this please.

[James]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.

[Prof.Wizard]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.
...wanna fight? :mrgrn:

[flagreen]

Gee, thanks for the "help" James. :)

[James]

No worries Bill. :mrgrn:

[alpha754293]

[this is where I am supposed to post like the top 10 or 100 pick up lines, which of course...I never got...so..that's alright though.]

Well..actually..I think that I HAVE...gotten some kind of variation thereof, but can't seem to locate it right now, so I'll just skip over that idea, and if I should come across it again, I'll be sure to let you know and post it. In the meanwhile, read this:

http://womenrules.blogspot.com

Also, an interesting one that I picked up quite a while ago:
"Bust me your digits" (i.e. asking for a phone number) course..you'd also tell that the person whom you're asking is a computer-type person when the number she gives you is her ICQ#. hehe :)

P.S. Chicago is a good place. Detroit's alright...Windsor is pretty nice too actually...when it comes to that regard.

[Mercutio]

I've honestly never used F*** in that context, Koggit. Along with a very few other words, it strikes me as vulgar when said that way.

As far as moving goes, let me say it again: I can't see moving without a job. I've looked for jobs all over the country for five years, and never gotten one. Since I can make enough money here, even without a steady paycheck, to support myself, that's what I have to do. I'd love to live in a real city. But I can't do that without some kind of income and my income here is very much dependent on who I know in my area.

So basically my choices now seem to be either bars or the park?

[Mercutio]

BTW Alpha, I was a master at handling relationship stuff most guys aren't good at. Very romantic, very sensitive, remember important dates, handwritten notes of affection, gifts for no reason, that sort of thing. Hilariously, even though I can't really dress myself, Amy used to take me on shopping trips with her friends because I'm really, really good at finding clothes that are *perfect* (color, fit, style) for other people.

That stuff is all well and good (and possibly freakish, knowing the stereotype) when you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter much outside of one.

[Koggit]

Not so hasty, Bill - I don't know what he's suggesting with f****. I can think of one with f***, but the 4 *s have me stumped.

....nit picker, sorry.

[i]

Hey there Mercutio. Sorry to hear about your recent (and ongoing) troubles. I really hope things improve for you soon.

Actually the reason I (and my cohorts) haven't been around here much over the past month or so is because I'm trying to develop a life of sorts ... but that's another story.

As everyone else is offering "meeting people" advice, I'll add mine:

Go to a bookstore. Preferably a large one with a cafe (that'll make things easier), although a nice small one with a cafe very close by might be ok. Peruse the store. Take your time (it's best if you can afford a couple of hours for this). Get used to the surroundings enough that you're relaxed there. Maybe try a specialty coffee in the cafe. If getting used to the place takes a few trips, that's fine.

When you're cool with the store itself, start paying attention to the other people in the store with you.

If you see someone interesting, take a look at what category of books they're looking at. Consider the possibility that it's one of those subjects you've always wondered about, but never really found an easy way into understanding. With that in mind, say something like, "excuse me, but do you know anything about winemaking?" (or whatever subject they're looking at) "My aunt lost her job recently and has been wondering about starting her own wine business ... but it seems like such a big task, and she really doesn't have much information about what's involved. Can you by any chance suggest a good book?" Say something like that in as honest a fashion as possible (this is why it's best to have picked a subject you really don't know much about, but really would like to know about). Remember to smile whenever convenient. :-)

If they reply with, "Oh, I don't work here, I can't really say," it could be a polite way of telling you they're not interested in chit-chat. Or, more likely, it's because you've caught them off guard. Keep the conversation going with something like, "Oh well the staff here are really nice and they try to be helpful, but I've been coming here off and on for a year or so and I always find that they don't really know much about the subject matter. I'm really not sure I'd trust their knowledge of vineyards and wineries. Besides, I always find it great to get an honest opinion from someone other than those who are actually selling the books, you know?" Doing that will get the other person into "conversation mode" AND it will give them the time they need to put some thoughts together. :-)

If at that point they say, "No, sorry, I really don't think I can help," then thank them and continue looking through the books. Call it a day at that point if you want, or try again with someone else later.

BUT, if the person does reply with some good advice (remember this can be on any topic of your choosing) then just try and keep the conversation going in an honest fashion. If you can't, don't worry about it! This is the important part Mercutio: if you can even get a paragraph's worth of conversation from a stranger, you're DOING REALLY WELL. :-) There's no hurry here! Try again later, either that day or maybe next month - whatever you feel up to. Chances are that, if you try this a few times - even if it takes you two years - eventually you'll land a topic that you're interested in, and you'll found someone who is very willing to talk about it.

Once you've got the conversation rolling, this is where the location kicks in. When you've talked for a few minutes, while the conversation is still going strong, ask if you can take the conversation over to the cafe and buy them a coffee. There could not possibly be a less imposing way of getting someone to talk to you at a table. :-) They're practically already there! Remember, just ask honestly. If they say no, it's not some kind of tragedy. Like I say, even a paragraph of conversation with a stranger is a good thing! Just smile and say ok and either continue the conversation or move on, depending on how things are at that point.

I've said to choose a topic you don't know much about because people (males and females alike) are more likely to start a conversation with you if A) you're looking for help, and B) they're in a conversation where from the start the assumption is that they know more about the topic than you. But as I say, the topic you start with is your own choice. Also remember to pick a topic you're genuinely interested in - honesty is easier to display when, well, when it's honest. Also, think ahead about the topic. If you can bring up the conversation in the context of it's you looking for information for your mother, or your elderly neighbor, then you immediately get a few brownie points because you're apparently a nice person who cares about others. Also, you can bring up people you know who are involved in the topic to make the conversation more interesting, saying something like, "I have a friend who lives in Australia who recently started his own vineyard - he suggested a bookstore would be the best place to start looking for information." You know. That sort of thing. Bringing in more items to the conversation allows for more tangents ... for example the other person might then say, "Oh really? My parents are from Australia. Where exactly in Australia does your friend live?" You never know. Sometimes the conversation just takes on a life of its own, and sometimes it doesn't. There's nothing wrong with either result. :-)

You can absolutely handle conversations like that Mercutio. I have total faith in you there - I've been reading StorageReview and StorageForum for ... geez ... maybe 3 years now? There is no doubt in my mind that people would be interested in meeting you - YOU JUST NEED SOME EXPOSURE. :-) And some confidence. And the understanding that it takes time, and that one or more cases where things don't go spectacularly is just more practice - not a bad thing. :-)

Try a bookstore. That's my vote. :-)

[Cliptin]

Hey, i. Nice to see the orb around again.

[alpha754293]

BTW Alpha, I was a master at handling relationship stuff most guys aren't good at. Very romantic, very sensitive, remember important dates, handwritten notes of affection, gifts for no reason, that sort of thing. Hilariously, even though I can't really dress myself, Amy used to take me on shopping trips with her friends because I'm really, really good at finding clothes that are *perfect* (color, fit, style) for other people.

That stuff is all well and good (and possibly freakish, knowing the stereotype) when you're in a relationship. It doesn't matter much outside of one.

it's not written to say that you're bad at it or anything. I mean...what would I know right?? I actually wrote that for a couple of my friends, and also based on my personal experiences too (cuz I'm also like you in that regard.) In fact, not to toot my own horn or whatever, but I've had girls tell me that me ability to recall tidbits of conversation (especially the details) surprises a LOT of girls/women. As if I'm actually paying attention, even though it may seem like I don't.

Scary how much I can actually remember.

Besides that thing that I wrote is just for some good reading...or at least I hope so.

[Mercutio]

Joined match.com. Found someone (out of the four matches) who sounds like a person I could have a really good time meeting. Found out it'll cost me $25 to e-mail her. Argh.

Pets in parks, you say? Bookstores?

[P5-133XL]

Joined match.com. Found someone (out of the four matches) who sounds like a person I could have a really good time meeting. Found out it'll cost me $25 to e-mail her. Argh.

Pets in parks, you say? Bookstores?

Try looking at what you like to do in your spare time (your interests). Then look for a club/organization/institution/class that you can participate in. The point is to find women with similar interests and start your persuit there. Pets in parks are fine, if you are interested in pets. Books are fine if you are literary. However, don't limit yourself to these: Be creative

[Prof.Wizard]

Joined match.com.
Do these things work?

When I was back home in high-school, my father used to tell me (when I sat for many hours in front of the PC):
"Virtual sex is cool, but the real thing is even better!"...

I hope you can use this site to initiate a physical contact, not only an e-one.

[NRG = mc²]

<lurk mode>

I like your dad, Prof. What did your mum have to say about that?

</lurk mode>

[Prof.Wizard]

Stick to your Rocco, NRG. :x :wink:

[Mercutio]

That's the idea, Prof. I figure if I wanted to be lied to in probably every imaginable way, a good old fashioned chat site or IRC would be fine. This way I at least have some hope that the information I'm being provided is correct.

Besides, a personals service worked for Amy the first time she tried it. Maybe it will for me, too.

[jtr1962]

Joined match.com.
Do these things work?


I wonder about that myself. I've looked at loads of these since I've been on the Internet, and I have yet to find someone I would be interested in meeting(both from a physical appearance and personality perspective). I guess they work sometimes, though. My sister met her husband through a newspaper personal ad, and they're stilled married after nine years.

Mercutio, you've never mentioned what's more important to you-physical appearance, personality, interests, etc. I'm sure they all are, but what are your particular priorities in those departments?

One possibility I'm surprised nobody here mentioned was that it is entirely possible in the course of getting out more that you will be approached by someone of the opposite sex, so that you won't have to make that awkward first move. This has happened to me enough times when I've gone out, including once when I was near the WTC on July 4 for the fireworks with my mother. My mom actually offered to disappear if I was interested, but she really wasn't my type. Anyway, I'm just pointing out that it is becoming socially acceptable for the female to initiate contact nowadays as well. I think I actually prefer that way. I'm awful at initiating contact, but once that is done I can hold a conversation with a stranger for hours. Additionally, if I'm not interested, I'm the one who does the rejecting, rather than getting rejected. That's a little advantage the girls have had for years. ;) BTW, I've never been rude in my rejections, in fact I've never even had to push the point. Sometimes I'll just talk for a few minutes, and then mention I have an appointment and how nice it was chatting. No hurt feelings, everyone goes away happy. Just a shame I've never met anyone I'd care to have relationship with this way, yet.

[Mercutio]

Heterosexuality is really high on my list of priorities. :)

I like the same basic things everybody else likes: I like smart, funny, compassionate and honest people. I'd really like to find someone who is different in a lot of ways from me. It's easy for me to get stuck in a rut otherwise. Physically - and this is shallow - I like slender/petite types.
I want to find someone a bit more feminine than Amy was - Amy never wore dresses or make-up, and someone who doesn't mind that I'm not exactly a stereotypical guy.

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.

[Prof.Wizard]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.
I've been. And sucks... especially if you're NOT interested as in my case... :-?

[Prof.Wizard]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.
I've been. And sucks... especially if you're NOT interested as in my case... :-?

[Clocker]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.
I've been. And sucks... especially if you're NOT interested as in my case... :-?

PW-

Men don't count.

:-P

[timwhit]

One of my friends is always getting hit on by guys...it's always good for a laugh.

[jtr1962]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.
I've been. And sucks... especially if you're NOT interested as in my case... :-?

I agree. I assume you mean by girls you weren't interested in, and not guys. :) I've never been approached by a guy, thankfully. I'm not quite sure exactly how I'd deal with that, especially if he was bigger/stronger than me, and pushing the issue.

[jtr1962]

Heterosexuality is really high on my list of priorities. :)

I like the same basic things everybody else likes: I like smart, funny, compassionate and honest people. I'd really like to find someone who is different in a lot of ways from me. It's easy for me to get stuck in a rut otherwise. Physically - and this is shallow - I like slender/petite types.
I want to find someone a bit more feminine than Amy was - Amy never wore dresses or make-up, and someone who doesn't mind that I'm not exactly a stereotypical guy.

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.

It is more interesting if you have differences, although I suppose if you're too different then it won't work. My parents are a perfect example of exact opposites, and they fight all the time.

I don't think liking a certain physical type is shallow, Mercutio. Some people can get turned on by a wide range of types, others only a few, and I think you're born that way. I happen to fall in the latter category, so no matter how great the personality, if the person isn't my type, the relationship can never be anything more than friends. And unfortunately, the particular type I go for is relatively uncommon, so I'm still single. Interestingly, I actually don't like dresses or makeup that much. I think females look better in pants, and most of the types I tend to like look good even with no make up(especially the one I mentioned earlier :) ).

I'm really surprised you've never been approached. I would say if you get out enough it'll happen sooner or later. Of course, the people approaching you may not be what you had in mind, but that's par for the course(I've been approached by more aggressive panhandlers than females :o ). Anyway, whatever way you try to meet someone, best of luck to you and keep us up to date. :) I just want to add that I've felt your pain from the moment you told us about your problems, and I've been where you are now(I still am to an extent). Amazing how once you share a problem you find out you're not the only one with that problem, isn't it?

[Tannin]

I used to get approached by girls from time to time. That was back when I was young, worked as a tram conductor (i.e., meeting the public all day long) and had great legs.On one particular, never to be forgotten day, I was asked out by three different girls in the space of four or five hours. The third time, I though "oh, to hell with it" and said yes.

That particular relationship was ... um ... interesting.

[Cliptin]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.

If I have I don't remember it.

[Prof.Wizard]

I've never been "approached" by anyone, ever.
I've been. And sucks... especially if you're NOT interested as in my case... :-?
Oh jeez... :oops:
it's one of those embarrassing moments you say one thing while meaning another.

Let me clear it out: I'm straight male who doesn't like to be approached by the same sex

[Prof.Wizard]

...worked as a tram conductor (i.e., meeting the public all day long)...
:o
Photos... and NOW! :lol:

[Groltz]

Let me clear it out: I'm straight male who doesn't like to be approached by the same sex

Sounds like a guilty conscience, PW. Maybe somebody can round you up a 3-dollar-bill for your birthday. :wink:

[Prof.Wizard]

Oh no... am I losing my reputation here or something?! :(

It was a misundestanding. I wrote what I wrote cause I thought Mercutio meant "never approached by men"...
It's the damn English language that lacks subject sexes that created the problem. French, Italian, Greek, German, etc... all have sexes.


PS. I may be a gym guy, but I'm going for me there... not to "look"... :roll:

[Fushigi]

Joined match.com.
Do these things work?Well, my friend who just got married this past weekend met his bride through a dating service. It wasn't an online service; just the more traditional type.

For me, my ex-wife introduced me to my bride-to-be.

Mercutio, come to my wedding reception in August in Michigan City. We hope to have between 100 - 250 people of all ages (2 months - 80 years). Food, dancing, and all the stuff that normally happens at receptions. More than trying to find someone, it would offer a decent place to mingle and chat with people. Sharpen the social skills. If nothing else, there will be an open bar!

Any other SF members in the area are invited as well .. just drop me an email and I'll send the time & directions. Spouses & children are welcome.

- Fushigi

[Tannin]

That is a very generous invitation, John. Thankyou. :) I'll be 10,000 miles away, same as usual, but perhaps you would be kind enough to invite Tea in my stead. (Being imaginary, she can travel very cheaply and at the speed of thought.) She is also very good at stacking up the drunks neatly when they pass out and if you are pushed for room she doesn't mind sleeping in any convenient tree.

[Cliptin]

Let me clear it out: I'm straight male who doesn't like to be approached by the same sex

Sounds like a guilty conscience, PW. Maybe somebody can round you up a 3-dollar-bill for your birthday. :wink:

Sounds abit Fruedian to me.
It's when you say one thing and mean your mother.

[Cliptin]

Joined match.com.
Do these things work?Well, my friend who just got married this past weekend met his bride through a dating service. It wasn't an online service; just the more traditional type.

For me, my ex-wife introduced me to my bride-to-be.

Mercutio, come to my wedding reception in August in Michigan City. We hope to have between 100 - 250 people of all ages (2 months - 80 years). Food, dancing, and all the stuff that normally happens at receptions. More than trying to find someone, it would offer a decent place to mingle and chat with people. Sharpen the social skills. If nothing else, there will be an open bar!

Any other SF members in the area are invited as well .. just drop me an email and I'll send the time & directions. Spouses & children are welcome.

- Fushigi

hmmm... August would be about the right time for another road trip. What's the date?

[Fushigi]

Any other SF members in the area are invited as well .. just drop me an email and I'll send the time & directions. Spouses & children are welcome.hmmm... August would be about the right time for another road trip. What's the date?August 10. Wedding @ 2PM CST, reception from 4-11PM.

The wedding is outside in a gazebo so there's little seating available. We are restricting the wedding to close family members. But the reception hall can handle 200+ with no problem. We will have activity books for the children and they can always join the dancing. Food will include vegetarian options in addition to entrees designed for omnivores.

- Fushigi

[Fushigi]

That is a very generous invitation, John. Thankyou. :) I'll be 10,000 miles away, same as usual, but perhaps you would be kind enough to invite Tea in my stead. (Being imaginary, she can travel very cheaply and at the speed of thought.) She is also very good at stacking up the drunks neatly when they pass out and if you are pushed for room she doesn't mind sleeping in any convenient tree.Tea is certainly welcome. I'm sure she'd be a hit with the kids.

As required by local law, since we will be serving alcohol & are not a bar by trade, we will have a law enforcement officer on hand in case anyone gets rowdy. I don't anticipate any problems but you never know what'll happen if someone has a bit too much to drink.

The reception hall is on a wooded lot that also has a pond. I imagine she'd like it a lot unless the mosquitoes are biting that evening.

Tea, come on over!

- Fushigi

[Bartender]

No worries Fushigi, I'll be careful how much alcohol I serve. If anyone gets out of hand, I'll pry Tea away from the kids and have her tactfully remove the offender from the premises. There is no need for the police officer to act like a bouncer - he should enjoy the reception.

It is fantastic of you to invite the whole lot here at StorageForum to your wedding. Thank.

[Mercutio]

I just might go, Fushigi. Near as I can recall it'll only be the second time SR/SF members who don't know each other will have met each other (Wasn't there an Ian/Pradeep meeting?).

I don't know if I'm up to a wedding reception filled with people I don't know, but then, that's just like every other wedding reception I've been to (er, both of them), so maybe it won't be so bad.

Thanks for the invitation in either case. :)

[Cliptin]

I just might go, Fushigi. Near as I can recall it'll only be the second time SR/SF members who don't know each other will have met each other (Wasn't there an Ian/Pradeep meeting?).

I don't know if I'm up to a wedding reception filled with people I don't know, but then, that's just like every other wedding reception I've been to (er, both of them), so maybe it won't be so bad.

Thanks for the invitation in either case. :)

Merc, jtr and I met.

In a room of 200 people you have the chance to get lost in the crowd or not. I'm kinda sorry I posted my picture now. I don't get the chance for Fushigi to try to figure out "who that guy is on the table."

[jtr1962]

On one particular, never to be forgotten day, I was asked out by three different girls in the space of four or five hours.

Now that never happened to me. I guess when it rains it pours. If nothing else, you meet a lot of people on a job like that, and you can always use the standard "I'm not allowed to fraternize with passengers" line if you're not interested, or if you are, you just quietly slip them your number. :)

[jtr1962]

Cliptin,

Thanks for mentioning that we met in person. You beat me to it. I think we had a pretty good time that day too. :)

[Mercutio]

Forgot about that one. Apologies to both of you.

There's quite a number of us concentrated in the Midwestern US, as I think about it. Of course there are probably many concentrated even more on the West Coast of the US. Perhaps there could be a meeting someday...

[Buck]

I'm waiting for the Australian meeting and a few pictures from that event.

[adriel]

My diagnosis is, the time you spent with your pornographic materials has warped your psyche and left you a recluse, unable to cope with the real world.

[NRG = mc²]

My diagnosis is, the time you spent with your pornographic materials has warped your psyche and left you a recluse, unable to cope with the real world.

Yeah right! :evil:

[Mercutio]

I was a recluse a long time before I started looking at dirty pictures, adriel. Social anxiety is a very real thing for me. It can make me physically ill at times. THAT made me a recluse.

[Bartender]

Regardless of what made you a recluse, and the results of that, it is time to move on. As hard as it may seem (and I have some experience with this, Buck doesn't sit here every evening because he's a ladies man), please take the initiative.

[Mercutio]

Amy offered to take me to a bar tomorrow night, so I might do that. I don't know if I can drink anything or not, though. She tells me it's part of the experience, though.

[timwhit]

Might as well go, better than sitting at home. Have a few drinks, it will make talking to strangers easier. Have a few more and you can talk to anyone then.

[James]

I'm waiting for the Australian meeting and a few pictures from that event.
Yeah, me too. I'm waiting for Jake to say it's okay to start arranging a time. I think the new baby is keeping him a tad busy!

Merc, Pradeep and I met in Sydney airport - I was coming back from Tokyo and he was going to NZ. I bought him a couple of sticks of Nanya 256MB registered CAS2 RAM back from Tokyo 'cos his Crucial stuff didn't seem to be faring well in his Tiger MP board.

I probably looked like hell (I don't sleep on planes) and Pradeep was looking resplendent in his Australian team uniform. Not one of my greatest moments, I'm sure, but it still counts.

[Cliptin]

Amy offered to take me to a bar tomorrow night, so I might do that. I don't know if I can drink anything or not, though. She tells me it's part of the experience, though.

I thought you were looking for a meaningful relationship. This is what I was talking about before. If you go to a bar and meet someone, you will have found someone who wants to meet people in bars. This doesn't sound appealing to me, does it to you?

I am going to agree with Buck. I have found that the times I have made myself do something I was squeamish about doing, I either learned to like it a little bit more or learned to appreciate the positive aspects which made it more tollerable.

Get used to "alone". It may be awhile.

[Prof.Wizard]

[quote=Mercutio]If you go to a bar and meet someone, you will have found someone who wants to meet people in bars. This doesn't sound appealing to me, does it to you?
I couldn't agree more. I think no-risk affairs arise from no-risk enviroments (university, work, close friends, etc.)

[CougTek]

Merc, Pradeep and I met in Sydney airport
Mercutio was at Sydney's airport???

[Handruin]

Merc, Pradeep and I met in Sydney airport
Mercutio was at Sydney's airport???

This is a guess, but I believe he was addressing Mercutio, not including him in a sentance of three.

[Mercutio]

I've never been on a plane, so it couldn't've been me at Sydney's airport.

The truth is, I don't really want to go to a bar. I want a reason to go home at night. I don't even like the idea of going to a bar. Still, the alternative is another night at home and I don't know how many more of those I can stand, either.

[Mercutio]

Any suggestions for a first drink?

[timwhit]

I always drink beer. But, I like long island iced tea's if you are looking for a mixed drink.

[Cliptin]

Any suggestions for a first drink?

Are you looking for something you might enjoy or something that will remind you that you don't want to be there. :D

[Mercutio]

Not beer. Beer smells awful. As for the rest, I don't want to get drunk, no.

[CougTek]

Then goes with any ladies' mix like B-52, Baileys or anything soft and sugary. You won't look tough (or go for dry Jack Daniels like I do), but for someone who isn't an alcohool amateur, then it might be better.

See what the ladies drink and order the same thing. But don't drink too much of this or your stomach won't appreciate. Sugar and alcohool mixed together is hard to digest.

[Cliptin]

Not beer. Beer smells awful. As for the rest, I don't want to get drunk, no.

Do you like fruit? If so you might try a screwdriver or whiskey sour.
You should not taste any alchohol in the screwdriver, beware.

I always forget the names of the drinks I like since I don't go out very often. I only have one or two as well. I usually ask the bartender or waiter. Sometimes I just ask them to surprise me.
Read a little:
http://www.cocktailmaking.co.uk/

BTW, a LI ice tea is pretty potent.

[timwhit]

BTW, a LI ice tea is pretty potent.

Isn't that the point?

Try rum and coke, or just take shots of peppermint schnopps.

Have you ever been to a bar before?

[Cliptin]

BTW, a LI ice tea is pretty potent.

Isn't that the point?

Try rum and coke, or just take shots of peppermint schnopps.

Have you ever been to a bar before?

Merc, has made it clear that that is not his point.

Was the question directed at me?

[jtr1962]

Any suggestions for a first drink?

Amaretto is pretty good. Just have a very small glass and you won't get drunk on it, either. And that's coming from someone who gets drunk on one beer. :lol:

I'm a very occasional drinker. Maybe I'll have a half dozen beers in the course of the summer, so my alcohol tolerance is near zero, same as yours is I guess. I never liked the out of control feeling you get when you're drunk, so I don't drink often. I just happen to like the way an occasional beer tastes, although I'm not too keen on the deleterious effects. I've tried some of the alcohol-free ones. They all taste like crap to me. Never been to a bar in my life. I don't think I'd be able to find my way home after getting drunk, and I'm not too keen on the types I'd meet there anyway.

[timwhit]

BTW, a LI ice tea is pretty potent.

Isn't that the point?

Try rum and coke, or just take shots of peppermint schnopps.

Have you ever been to a bar before?

Merc, has made it clear that that is not his point.

Was the question directed at me?

I was just joking around Cliptin, maybe I should use smileys next time...

[Fushigi]

Any suggestions for a first drink?Malibu rum & pineapple juice. Tastes like coconut & pineapple. Usually the alcohol is not very strong although some bartenders are heavier on the Malibu than others. I could drink them all night without getting drunk, although I almost always stop after 2 of any drink.

Of course, you can always just get a coke or some coffee. They're the most reasonably priced drinks at any bar.

- Fushigi

[timwhit]

At most bars if you say you are the designated driver they will give you free coke. At least the bars I go to.

[Dozer]

Of course, you can always just get a coke or some coffee. They're the most reasonably priced drinks at any bar.

Good point. There's no rule that says you HAVE to have a drink at a bar...and it can be quite expensive. If you want to try something pretty tasty and not terribly potent, and if you like coffee...try an Irish coffee (Bailey's and coffee blended).

[Koggit]

My favorite drink is....oh woops....nevermind.

[Tea]

If you go to a bar and meet someone, you will have found someone who wants to meet people in bars. This doesn't sound appealing to me, does it to you?

Just so.


I have found that the times I have made myself do something I was squeamish about doing, I either learned to like it a little bit more or learned to appreciate the positive aspects which made it more tollerable.

Well, some of the times. Other times it has simply served to remind me how much I loathe that particular something and turn my squeamishness into an absolute and complete rejection. I place nightclubs in the latter category. As for bars, it depends on the bar, on the noise level (I can't abide not being able to have a conversation), and on who I am there with. In general, I don't like them. But sometimes, yes.



Get used to "alone". It may be awhile.

Yup. But don't take that as an excuse for inaction.

Hey, go to that bar with Amy. You might like it, you might hate it. But you were going to be sitting at home alone feeling miserable anyway, so what have you got to loose? Dig down into your sock drawer and see if you can't find your very best open mind. (You've got one hidden away there somewhere, right?) Wear that and enjoy.

If nothing else, it will be a new and different experience.

[Mercutio]

Well, I tried at least. I managed to stay for about twenty minutes, until I got completely overwhelmed, then I walked home.

Tea was right about noise. I had forgotten all about it.

[Tea]

Some good suggestions above on the "drinks for non-drinkers" front. Let me, as a confirmed newbie to alcohol and thus an expert in this area, make a couple of my own.

Gin squash. Goes down easy, a nice, refreshing, slightly bitter flavour. Rates about 5 on the Macho Cool scale (where neat Burbon rates 10 and chocolate milk rates 0).

Gin and Tonic. More of an aquired taste. Very refreshing but the bitterness of the gin might put you off. Macho Cool rating: 5.

Scotch and Coke. If you like scotch, it's the ruination of a good scotch. If you like Coke, it's the ruination of a good Coke. If you don't like scotch or coke, it just tastes of icky-sweet Coke and vomit at the same time. Only thing to be said for it is that it rates about 7 on the MC scale.

Dark rum and Coke. See Scotch and Coke.

Light rum and Coke. (e.g., Baccardi.) Not a bad choice. You hardly taste the rum. MC rating: 6.

Burbon and Coke. Just as icky-sweet but a more concentrated and disctinctive vomit flavour. MC rating: 8. The only thing to be said for it is that, if you absolutely, positively have to get drunk and you absolutely positively can't get hold of anything except burbon, then at least the Coke makes some attempt to hide the flavour.

Brandy and Coke. A little on the icky-sweet side but quite palatable. You could do worse. MC rating: 6.

Brandy and Dry. Much nicer flavour. A bit morish. A good choice. MC rating: 5.

Brandy, lime and soda. The stand out best choice for the beginning drinker. Sweet without being icky, refreshing, goes down very easily and will soon have you asking for another one. Doesn't give you that bad taste at the back of your mouth that many drinks do. Rates 5 to 7 on the Macho Cool scale - the variation being because, although it's a bit of a "girl's drink" and actually tastes good, it is also a subtle sign that you are a man who knows his own mind and has an educated pallete.

Lemon, lime and bitters. Switch to this if you don't want to get any drunker than you already are. MC rating: 6. Like scotch or brandy, lime and soda, it is an educated man's drink. Almost non-alcoholic, mostly soda, but the delightful bitterness of the few drops of Angostura bittersadds a welcome touch of subtlety that rescues it from being just another soft drink.

White wine. Varies enormously. Can taste very nice, or absolutely dreadful. The stuff they serve in bars tends toward the latter. Can make you feel nauseous and very ill very quickly if you are not used to it.MC rating: 3 to 9. To score a "9" you have to know a fair bit about wine. When drunk by the beginner, scores 3.

Red wine. See white wine.

Champagne. Great fun. Horrendous hangover. You will have the best time you ever had in your entire life for a half hour. Then the worst time you ever had in your entire life for about 12 hours. Not recommended for beginners. MC rating: N/A (because either everybody drinks Champagne or nobody drinks it).

Screwdriver: (tomato juice and vodka). Not bad. MC rating 6. You hardly taste the vodka. But a characterless drink. Has no particular merit, but keep it in mind as a possible standby if you can't get a brandy, lime and soda.

Fushigi's pineapple juice thingie: sounds palatable if a little unsubtle. MC rating only 2 but what the hell - at least it tastes better than burbon. You could do worse.

----------------

As a non-drinker, you want to have about three drinks at a moderate pace. Not too fast (you will get quite drunk and feel silly, then ill), not too slow (or you will just wind up with a vague feeling of lifelessness and a background headache). Two to five drinks at a moderate pace will give you a little lift, let you feel a bit more outgoing, help you enjoy life. It is no accident that alcohol and socialising go together, it really does help. Don't forget that everybody else will be drinking a good deal more than you will, so if you start to feel foolish and self-conscious, put that thought firmly away - no-one will notice, and if they do, no-one will care. In the morning, they will all be far too busy wondering what silly things they themselves got up to and won't spare a thought for analysing what you did or said. Just loosen up and enjoy yourself.

It depends on your body weight and your physiology, but I'd plan on sipping your way through three brandy, lime and sodas over the first hour, then switching to lemon, lime and bitters if you start to feel a little too drunk. Getting the dosage right is an art form. Like most things you get better at it with practice. But if you start as above, you won't be too far off the mark.

[Tea]

lose

Why do I always spell "lose" with a double "o"?


And it looks like I'm a little late with my advice. Oh well, so be it.

[Tannin]

By the way, the thing that gets to me about noise is conversation. I have excellent hearing, and am perfectly capable of doing things like pulling out the guitar from a bit of music where there are six instruments all playing at the same time and just listening to that single instrument, and yet still being aware of the other things that are going on (the bass player, the singer, and so on).

But when it comes to conversation, if there is a lot of background noise, I have to concentrate fiercly to seperate out one particular person's words and make sense of them. I can do it, but it's hard work, it makes me tense up with the concentration, and I don't relax and enjoy myself. Also, the person I am talking to senses this and it makes them feel uncomfortable too. It reminds me a little of conversing in a foreign language - you know how you have to give your whole attention to the words and after a half-hour or so you feel quite worn out?

I think one of the things that makes this more difficult is that I happen to be almost blind to body language and facial expression. I can read people as well as the next man (notice that I don't say "the next woman" - women, as a rule, are far, far better at this than we convex types are) but I do it by paying attention to aural cues, not visual ones. Almost unconsciously, I hear the tiny variations in tone of voice, in choice of words, in timing and phrasing, where most people do this only a little and do most of their mood-reading with their eyes.

This makes me a wizard at telephone conversations - you wouldn't believe how much stuff I sell over the telephone - and, converesly, makes me into an instant social retard the moment you turn the music up. So far as picking up girls at a nightclub goes, I have a 100% losing record. Give me a nice quiet corner where we can chat and I do OK.

[Mercutio]

I will keep you advice - once I figure out what "MC" is - close at hand. But what is an under-10 chimp doing advising me on drinks?

I'm sure I'll try again. soon.

[Dozer]

Give me a nice quiet corner where we can chat and I do OK.
A woman that is interested in a nice, quiet chat is most desireable to me, anyway...I never have understood the whole "picking up girls" routine. A woman willing to be picked up at a bar is NOT the type of person I want to meet, nor have any of the women I've dated been this type of person. It's been my experience that women willing to be picked up in bars, on average, are not the basis for deep and meaningful relationships (I also realize that many men are not looking for deep and meaningful relationships). I would personally rather be single than be with the wrong woman (I've been with the wrong woman before, and it's no picnic), and I think that, at least for me, a bar is not the place to meet the right person. Most often, the romantic relationships I have developed have come from out of the blue, and totally blindsided me (in a good way). I guess I'd rather be pleasantly surprised by meeting someone naturally than disappointed from an unsuccessful evening of bar-hopping. :D

[Tea]

Just so, Dozer.

[Groltz]

"....what is an under-10 chimp..."

Tea, once and for all, are you a chimpanzee or an orangutan? I thought your avatar was of a young orangutan...

[flagreen]

"....what is an under-10 chimp..."

Tea, once and for all, are you a chimpanzee or an orangutan? I thought your avatar was of a young orangutan...
A Lady never tells...

[Tea]

Quite so, Groltz. While I don't want to say anything unkind about my African brothers-in-fur, we orangutans consider ourselves a cut above the common chimpanze.

We look quite different. Here is a young chimp, about my age. (I'm not sure who he is, I just found his picture on the web.)

http://www.wildchimps.org/links/4.1.jpg

As you can see, he has black fur and a protuberant jaw. We orangs, on the other hand, have pretty orange fur and beautiful big, soulful eyes. Here is a picture of me having a short rest.

http://www.orangutan.com/images/orangutans/Emma-photo-3.jpg

We can get around on terra firma OK but we climb so well that up in a nice big tree we make chimps look almost as clumsy as humans. (No offence to my human friends, of course. It's not your fault that you aren't very good climbers. You just didn't choose your parents very carefully.) One reason that we orangs can climb so well is that we are very flexible. Here is another one of my baby photos:

http://www.orangutan.com/images/orangutans/sarita-baby-2.jpg


Chimps are quite good climbers too, but they spend most of their lives on the ground, while my family tradition is that we spend nearly all our time up in the wide open spaces of the treetops. I am actually a bit of a throw-back: I like to get down low and play with DB, and Buck if he's had a couple too many. My mother would probably be ashamed of me, if she was still alive.

I don't talk about this very often, but that's why I had to come and live with Tannin. I escaped from a beautiful jungle in Borneo just before the horrible, greedy Javanese Empire came along and cut all the trees down and burned everything up, including my whole family. (They call themselves "Indonesians" now, but everybody knows that "Indonesia" is really just a whole lot of different islands all ruled over by the island of Java.) My cousins over in Sumatra - that's the island just north of Java - have mostly been killed off too. Pretty soon, there won't be anyone left at all - and that is the only two places in the whole world where there are orangeutans: Borneo and Sumatra. In the last 20 years, 80% of our jungle has been turned into this:

http://www.orangutan.com/images/orang14.jpg

It's very sad.

Still, Tannin looks after me pretty well, and sort of gives me the run of the place, and he's amazingly paitent with me really. I mean, there are not many people who would have let me take over their whole workshop just to crunch proteins on. Sometimes he gets grumpy, but deep down he's a very nice man. Hell, for a human, he's as nice as you can get.

(Well, sometimes.)

Anyway, I didn't mean to bore you with my story. I am happy here, living in Tannin's imagination. (Tannin's imagination, by the way, is enormous! I can walk all day and still never reach the end of it. I think it might be even bigger than Borneo!) And I always enjoy coming here and talking to all my human friends. (And my carnivourous friends too, of course - hi Jake, hi JTR.) But please, don't ever, ever buy any rain forest timber, and if any of the other islands in the Indoenisan archipeligo ask for your help (as the East Timorese did a year or two ago), be as kind and generous to them as you were when you sent the US Marines over to help out the Australians and the Portugese and the New Zealanders in Timor.

Thanks for listening,

Tea.

[Pradeep]

I didn't realise that the US sent troops to East Timor?

[flagreen]

I didn't realise that the US sent troops to East Timor?
Were I as prone to starting trouble as you are Pradeep, I would reply to the above by saying - "Yes, we sent our Australian troops in...". Thank God my manners prohibit me from saying so. :)


[runs for cover]

[Mercutio]

Chimp is easier to spell than oraguatang. Hence, Tea is a chimp. :P

[Mercutio]

Give me a nice quiet corner where we can chat and I do OK.
A woman that is interested in a nice, quiet chat is most desireable to me, anyway...I never have understood the whole "picking up girls" routine. A woman willing to be picked up at a bar is NOT the type of person I want to meet, nor have any of the women I've dated been this type of person. :D

I'm the last person who is capable of "picking up" a girl. I'd be really happy, though, if I could prove to myself that I can hold down a conversation with someone I don't know very well, outside a business setting. From what I saw last night, I don't know that I'd want to have much of anything to do with the women at a bar, either, but if I can build enough confidence to talk to someone I *would* want to talk to after talking to them, I'd be really happy.

[jtr1962]

And I always enjoy coming here and talking to all my human friends. (And my carnivourous friends too, of course - hi Jake, hi JTR.)


Thanks, Tea. :) I always like hearing the primate's point of view on many topics. I wasn't quite sure how to feel about Jake at first, though(I didn't want to end up as an entree, you know :o ). Now that I know him better and realize he's not interested in me as an appetizer, Jake seems pretty cool.

[Buck]

Quiet bars and quiet corners; bars are not for picking up women in my opinion. Bars are for socializing, entertainment, and relaxation. If the bar is too noisy, it will not be relaxing. If you feel obliged to watch some sporting event with a bunch of hooligans, it is not relaxing. You should be able to converse, laugh, debate, and enjoy the company of other people. A bar should be a good place where a group of friends can enjoy their time (even when with your wife or girlfriend). If you are a man of solitude, the bar should be comfortable just the same.

If you can find the right bar Mercutio, I wouldn’t expect that you’ll find yourself a girlfriend. However, you could find yourself a few friends or buddies, and in turn, they may know someone that you could date – but this will take some time. Believe it or not, just going to a bar, ordering some inexpensive drink and perhaps even a small snack, can be fun. If he’s not too busy, have the odd chat with the bartender. They’re usually amiable fellows. Since I happen to like beer, I’ve even gone to bars and just drank alcohol-free beers and had a couple of appetizers. They’ll serve you with gratitude just the same as if you ordered a dozen Tom Collins, and they’ll appreciate that you aren’t walking out of the bar drunk (just don’t forget a decent tip). If you become a regular (once a week), you might even find the bartender or waitress gives you free drinks or food.

One word of caution, bars don’t always have the best coffee.

As far as the aforementioned drink scale goes, I don’t think any drink is macho. If a woman thinks that you are special because you like Bourbon neat, then it’s time to find someone else to chat with.

[Cliptin]

From what I saw last night, I don't know that I'd want to have much of anything to do with the women at a bar, either, but if I can build enough confidence to talk to someone I *would* want to talk to after talking to them, I'd be really happy.

Are you sure you weren't slipped something? :o

[Cliptin]

I'm the last person who is capable of "picking up" a girl.

It really depends on your definition. I would consider myself successful if I were able to having an ongoing conversation. That's it. I don't even need a phone number. Not every conversation/relationship has to be earth shattering and a mile deep. I learned this concept within the last two years. It was part of my recovery. :)

I stay away from danceclubs myself. In the places I would go, you would be able to hear a TV from 10 ft away.

[Dozer]

If you are a man of solitude, the bar should be comfortable just the same.

Quite true...there are bars that are a nice relaxing place to be...Cliptin and I have been to one in his neck of the woods that is very laid back, serves excellent food at a fair price, and the sound level is more or less the din of other patrons' conversations. If I do frequent a bar, this is the type of place that I enjoy, rather than the raucous type of place that cheezy guys are trying to score one-night stands in. I was at a bar in Chicago a week ago, an Irish pub, and it was just a nice place for my friends and I to chat and hang out for an hour or so. I guess you just have to know the right places to go, or stumble onto them by happenchance! :D

BTW, where's Bartender...this thread is right up his alley!!!

[Bartender]

He's working. Kegs don't get hooked up by accident, and Tea is not completely poddy-trained. :D

[e_dawg]

Merc,

Hit the gym. Run that treadmill and hit the weights every other day and get yourself lean and mean. (I am assuming that if you say you look like Wayne Knight, you could stand to tone that physique a bit). Why do I say this? Because you will have more social confidence and that includes dealing with the opposite sex. And from what I have read from you in this post, it seems that a little confidence, my friend, is what you need so you can shine.

My advice is partly based on personal experience as well, as I used to be a shy, skinny, nerdy type back in high school. After I started hitting the weights and playing hockey, I just developed more confidence and got better at talking with girls.

I'm not saying all women are shallow and judge men on their looks, but it is part of the whole package, right? You even said that you prefer certain physical characteristics in women, so you should expect others to hold you to a certain standard as well.

But this is not to please certain women, Merc. This is for YOU. You look good, you feel good. Confidence is sexy, man. You know you're a smart guy, so that surely can't be the problem. Your lack of confidence lies elsewhere. And if you are willing to be honest with yourself, I am sure you will know where it is. It may not be physique (if so, I apologize... I don't know much about you except what you have told us in your posts), but wherever it is, take the initiative and solve that problem. Once you eliminate some self-perceived deficiencies, you'll be twice as confident -- and twice as attractive because of that. Remember, much like these alter egos in this forum, any machinations of fear or inferiority come from a real source. Find out what they are and deal with them, Gestappo style.